I spent a weekend chanting, learning more about Indian philosophy and how central music and chanting has been in raising one's awareness, as well as becoming focused on God or as some refer, the Divine. I also did a track on Positive Psychology and was immersed into more yoga, exploring the deep crevices of tension and discomfort, having an attitude of inquiry that goes beyond the usual practice.
As I contemplated, I became even more aware of how flooding thoughts continually enter my mind, yet I was able to remain the outside observer and just notice. This was particularly noticeable when "trying" to sing chants that I've never heard, language that I don't really speak except at a few kirtans and also thirsting to know what I am singing and its significance.
Well after some struggle and disenchantment, a lightbulb went off. This is all conditioning. Being a singer for much of my life, I reach for perfection - the notes, the lyrics, the embodiment of spiritual song - and while this is a gift that I offer to myself and others, there has always been that critical voice in the back of my head, the yapper, that would rob the spontaneity and joy from being one with song.
My girls had observed this in me long ago, often saying, "Mom, you take responsibility for everyone and everything and make even your hobbies a job". Wow, how this came back in a flash and in that moment, I chose to let go and just sing, also taking in the drums and bells and the harmonium. I sang loud while not having perfect notes or words, but it felt good. And, there was a room of likely 200 people, all connected in sung prayer.
Later during our session, there was Q&A and this topic came up for another catholic, who also wanted to know about interpretation. The explanation was about repetition with intention, getting lost in both of these concepts, and how this can lead to meditation/focus.
While my journey is still in very beginning stages, the thirst for more continues.
This time was not only about music and yoga, but about re-setting old, entrained patterns, freeing myself of the dark shadows of disease. I remain on the path to wellness, having sub-optimal labs and physical discomfort, YET, I am so healthy in so many ways. I decided to begin a tradition that left when I became ill in 2012, being unable to get up and jog at 6am as I had for years. Today, I jogged (not at 6am-think those days may be past!) for 11 minutes without stopping, feeling the 2 minute "Oh my God how will I finish" into "this is not so bad", and by the time I arrived back home, I felt so accomplished and well on my way.
The body is an amazing vehicle - use it with care!
Well-greased,
Julie
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