Tuesday, July 30, 2013

The Colonoscopy

I'm sure many of you who are now of the "golden age" or for many of my clients with GI (gastrointestinal issues), this dreaded procedure has been done.  While writing this blog, I am in my starvation phase, dreaming of the wonderful meal that awaits at the end of the day!

I've pondered over this past 24 plus hours how much I think about food, depend on food, plan my day around food!  Of course, this is of no surprise because I talk about it all day with my clients and have my own history of disordered eating and past weight issues.  This process sobers me yet again, giving me more compassion and insight into what others are feeling in this very moment.

I do not like to fast, I am pretty scheduled around fueling my body regularly, giving it a blend of protein, carb and fat, usually decked out in some delicious manner.  And yet, this process is an opportunity to let go of the food and to go inside and feel emotions.  Journalling during this time can be a wonderful source of bringing our truth to the surface - what do I really feel, who am I under the surface.

My last fast was in December when I attended an alternative cancer program in Germany.  We fasted on juices and teas, while engaging in a silent retreat.  The fast was for 2 1/2 days, the silent day for 24 hours and we were expected to journal, be outside observing nature and it was truly amazing.  Everything was crisp and clear and I noticed things that normally just pass me by.  Thoughts and feeling came up easily and I was able to really process some of my "blind spots".

While I do not suggest fasting without discussing the idea with a health professional, it can provide another tool to learning more about ourselves and to truly appreciate the wonderful gift that food is for us.

Blessings on your day,

Saturday, July 27, 2013

Post Surgery Reflections

It is 2 days since having surgery and I've already walked the lake with Tammie, looking peacefully at the blue sky and vibrant green trees.  While surgery went well, the ego blow was learning that my cancer markers have worsened over the past 2 months.  Hmm - what can I learn from this. 

When I revised my website 2 years ago, I had all intentions of becoming an online expert, creating interactive communication and learning for my clients.  Shortly thereafter, I began to feel more and more poorly, going down the path of auto-immune disease and chronic lyme, only to be surprised by the diagnosis of hairy cell leukemia, a rare, but generally slow growing cancer.  I chose to face this head on without fear, but with curiosity and also decided against chemotherapy for the time being, as the drugs have potentially  more lethal side effects.

My journey is now one year long and it has been quite an adventure.  I withdrew retirement funds in order to attend a program in
Germany that focused on diet, meditation and inner exploration, along with detoxification.  for many months I felt much better, but this past month was challenging - a cervical polyp that needed removal in the hospital due to the low platelets associated with the hairy cell; significant stomach distress resulting in an upcoming colonoscopy and endoscopy and major dental work to be done, again, possibly associated with the hairy cell.  Wow, what a month - I need to check to see if I am really 55 or 85!

I met with my coach - my work coach, life coach, stress coach - not sure what I'd do without her!  She instructed me on an autohypnosis program in order to use less anesthesia.  I was more concerned about the poisons being introduced than the  actual surgery.  For 2 weeks prior to surgery, I used the Peggy Huddleston Prepare For Surgery approach and came prepared to the Brigham and Women's Hospital with IPod, instructions for the anesthesiology team for me to have reiki and very little medication.

I was awake during my surgery, spoke often with my doctors and came home feeling awake and quite hungry!

As I reflect on these past 2 days, I am alert, have very little pain and feel grateful for being alive and well.  I realize that part of my learning about my cancer is that I have been working too much without the balance.  In Germany, we were expected to be outdoors for 20 minutes following each meal.  I know that balance is the key to thriving and being in nature offers that balance.  Never underestimate the power of it!

With peace and love for all,