Wednesday, July 26, 2017

I Am A Teacher Not A Preacher

While riding my bike to dance class, I passed the church with people coming out from a service.  I was immediately given a message and how I know that I am receiving a message is that I have a visceral reaction of chills accompanied by an actual message. On my left side were jagged bright white lights, similar to lightening bolts (this is also one that tells me that something is not conducive to my forward movement) and on my right was Jesus, laughing and assisting me with the next phases of my evolution.

Now this may seem strange, but as my intuitive capacities have grown and continue to do so, the voice, tone of the message and pictures, make so much sense and are not thought up as if I am trying to think of such things.

Jesus was saying very clearly and with a jovial spirit that he is a teacher and not a preacher.  What struck me is that I had visited this church upon my arrival, as I did a few houses of spirituality, and it was not a good fit.  Strangely or not, it was the catholic church.  It felt very sterile, black and white and not what my faith community was like back in Boston.  I have since found two lovely places to sing, pray and feel the sense of community, BUT, what was striking is that I have also been told that I am a teacher and that part of my reason for being here in Ojai is to share my gifts.  I felt clearly that I am to use my voice, sharing the knowledge from my diversified toolbox - conventional medicine, ancient spiritual wisdom and cutting edge functional and genetic science.

I feel more ready than ever and will allow the teacher to show up!


Friday, July 21, 2017

Passing The Test

As I write this blog, I am brought to exploring two thoughts - the first being how I used "the report card" phrase in my past blogs, and how I wrote this phrase yesterday to eagerly talk about my ahha while reading Me Finally, Seeing-Navigating Life With An Open Heart.

I had not yet put 2+2 together, as today, I do visit the oncologist for the "report card" on labs again and yet, the "test" from yesterday holds even more meaning and excitement for me!  I had just come off from a wonderful evening of presenting on brain fog with my partner and stayed up way too late for me, working on the next phases.

I was awakened at 5:15am by my client who was confirming our 8:30am appointment and I texted back,"All set".  I went back to sleep and upon arising at 7am - a much more normal time for me now since having health challenges (used to be that 5am up and at em person!).  I read the text that I missed his appointment and to my horror, realized that this was my first blip between east and west coast timing!

I apologized profusely and he was fine - we adjusted to later in the day, as I was not prepared for even a 7am start.  I set the limit by acknowledging my mistake, apologizing and offering times that would be more conducive for both of us.  The old me would have dived right in, making for a very stressful day because I would be flogging myself for a mistake!

Next, I was flooded with texts and emails regarding health insurance "stuff" from my daughter - this cloud has been following us for a while - victims of a system that not only is not working, but does not communicate between departments.

I chose to look at my schedule and responded that I could assist later on and that I could no longer do this for her, but would guide her in the frustrating, but doable process.

While tired in the beginning of this day, I felt freer and lighter - had a deep Knowing - and this Knowing is about tone of the real keys to health.  It is about accepting who we are in any given moment, choosing to act but not react, and loving ourselves and others as we set limits that support the self and other in any process.

May you pass the test!
With an open heart,

Monday, July 17, 2017

On Urgency

As I come off an amazing weekend - full of patients whom I love supporting, having a neighborhood potluck talking into the sunset, playing/practicing music for my christian rock band audition and meeting with our business mentor, a world-seasoned executive coach who loves our vision for ClearMind, I began to recognize the need to also dampen the "urgency button".

My dear friend, Jamie, sent me a book, ME, FINALLY - Navigating Life With An Open Heart, and I somehow knew this morning that I needed and wanted to begin a few pages as a daily practice.  No coincidence here.  I believe and live from my heart much of the time, which has allowed me to traverse the hills and valleys of life, often sensing the need of others, whether spoken or not.

This gift also needs to be dealt with carefully, as I can easily take any request as urgent, needing response immediately.  Conversely, I have come to anticipate a similar response from others and when it does not occur, I am shifted into wondering what I did wrong.  Ah, the right and wrong, the all or none, the black and white.  How this comes disguised in so many ways.

Just this morning, a gift arrived in my email from a client who said, "I noticed you responded late last evening and I do not want you to over-extend."  I then received a text from my business partner stating, "Oh no urgency, just when you get around to it."  These gifts are so timely as I navigate this new territory of balance, expanse and letting go of expectations.

There is no urgency in these man-made expectations, only urgency in opening to the quiet listening of one's heart.

May you take time to listen intently,

Wednesday, July 12, 2017

Living In Peace

I'm  a bit overdue on this blog because I have so much to write about and could not pick just one topic.  I think it is time for book three, focused on the journey of life - my life - because I feel and know that I represent others who have faced challenges, wondering if fear would eventually dissipate.  Indeed it can and it is truly worth the journey.

I feel a bit like the title, A Tale of Two Cities, in that I have two opposing forces occurring at this time, and yet I am at peace with this, at least in this moment.  And remember, it is this moment only that we have.

I'm facing a revisit to oncology in less than 2 weeks and will also be tested for virulent lyme co-infections.  My personal health is declining, yet, I am living, fully living, for the first time in my life.  I am often fatigued, have feelings of flu-like symptoms and find that I am allowing myself to recline when needed.

On the other hand, I walk with Tammie daily - we begin our morning walking to the local outdoor water fount for clean, reverse osmosis water.  It feels like going to the river for water.  I ride my bike to my chosen class of the day - yoga, dance and chanting.  I spend quality time with clients, having a reduced schedule and I am working with my business partner on our new company, ClearMind, a health company devoted to brain optimization.

I am singing spiritual music, auditioning in a week to join a group.  My life and work are so intertwined and both truly feed my soul.  I have often over these years called this my lifework because there is no delineation.  The difference is in my pace and acceptance.

I've been asked whether I feel that illness is unfair and if I ask "Why me?".  In fact, I have come to truly believe, "Why not me?"  I no longer feel that I've done something wrong to be faced with immune illnesses - leukemia and lyme - but keep listening and trusting that I am on my path.  Of course, I hope for a miracle cure, but I also realize that part of the miracle is in living, loving and experiencing joy, even with challenges.

My gift to you all is to share my peace and love with you now and always,

Sunday, July 2, 2017

Ask Seek Knock...And Never Stop

As the week unfolded, I continued to listen to the inner voice, observe, and respond with surrender, not a giving up.  I've not felt well much of the time since arriving, yet have immersed myself into life, loving the new adventures.  That is not to say that discouragement does creep in, but instead of muscling my way through, I am practicing allowing rest, acknowledging that this is now and not forever.

My labs have declined once again and I was not surprised because the symptoms are there, yet, I keep my eye on being grateful for what I do have - my wonderful family and friends, my new friends and colleagues, my beautiful surroundings with mountains, sunshine and blue sky, and the ability to engage in participating and listening to music.

I was keenly aware of two events in particular that brought me to a place of peace, calm and renewed hopefulness, knowing that healing occurs in many ways and not according to my expected timeline.  I had just received my labs before leaving for kirtan (a gathering of the traditional indian spiritual chanting) and I was already feeling poorly, so tearfully, I still chose to attend.  As we sang and prayed, my sadness lifted and by the end, I was filled with joy, being back in a place of gratitude.  This carried me a few days.

Later in the week, I spoke with my cousin and again, felt the sadness as I shared my medical circumstances, but soon was able to come back to this place of not letting the challenges in life become my theme.  Interestingly, my landlady told me to come to a service at her church today, so I decided to try it out and what an experience!

First of all, the music was amazing and everyone sang and clapped, being immersed in prayer.  The pastor was not only charismatic, but wove scripture into current experience.  He talked about the need to have fun in life, to seek joy.  This hit a chord with me because fun, joy and doing things just because, was not much of my growing up experience.  Duty, service and work, were considered to be more important.  It is finding the balance, which is part of my reason for moving here.  And I truly believe as I continue to practice this, I will notice healing exponentially.

As he continued, the words Ask, Seek and Knock along with persistence, were emphasized and these are truly important. How can one receive without asking?
How can one know what he/she needs without seeking?
And how can God or any person respond without being directly addressed?

I left the service feeling full of life and gratitude and upon arriving home to read an article by Dr Daniel Amen, world reknowned psychiatrist, he uttered many of the same words.

My wish for you is to always remain in gratitude, to seek joy and never stop asking for what you need.