Wednesday, November 8, 2017

Knock On The Doors Of Life

"Sometimes when a door is slammed shut, Julie, the very best thing you can do is to knock on it again, and again, and again.
But I'd recommend you try all the other doors, too.
  The Universe"

This began a train of thought that exposed an area of my personality or shall we say, shed light on it to be healed!  As I continue along the path of self-discovery, self-healing and listening to the dialogue between my mind and body, I am so very aware of how the mind/ego wants to take over and direct the rest of the orchestra.

The focus of my healing is presently on self-compassion and letting go of attachments that no longer serve.  Yeah, I've been there and done that before, but this time round, the peeling of the onion is allowing the deeper awareness of the hurts, pains and influences that keep me and I assume, many of you, in the repetitive "mouse wheel" of life.

My "stubbornness" has gotten me through many trying times, for I don't give up, yet I also have not listened to the inner voice of wisdom that gently knocks and says, "try that other door!"  I see clearly now that the stubborn armor was a way of protecting myself, wanting to believe that perserverence eventually meant love and acceptance from the other.  Well, I've tested that one out and it surely does not always work!

Where did that come from, you might ask?  Certainly parental influences - after all, Mom was a Leo and Dad, a Taurus.  Both personalities are strong, protective and stubborn - although there is more to the birth chart than the sun sign.  Other possibilities - being an only child in a family with lots of anger, yelling  and expectation; seeing the world as a dangerous place where self-defense (in my case, being good and quiet because I was not very athletic) became a way of maneuvering life.

Is this bad - absolutely not!!!  These experiences must be met with curiosity and an ability to recognize that one's style is a compilation of all experience.  Can you knock on other doors to see what gifts lie behind them?

Opening the many doors to life!

Wednesday, November 1, 2017

Behind The Wall

Just back from an amazing weekend working on personal health - improving my immune system to combat lyme and to keep leukemia in remission.  And I know that I will share this with my increasing number of clients who are challenged with both lyme and looming or active blood cancers.  No coincidence here.  I am meant to learn, synthesize and share - part of my life purpose and journey!  While I've had cognitive "knowing" about aspects of my healing, the part that I have evaded for a long time has been really allowing the soothing and calming of my parasympathetic nervous system.

I had learned about and was immersed in this healing practice while in Germany in 2012, using the concepts of Bruce Lipton and  Greg Braden, but even then, I was still caught in the cognitive "knowing" rather than a feeling "knowing" or body sense of being whole and healed.

What I learned and felt this weekend was that for most of my life, I used thinking, analyzing and organizing as coping mechanisms given one traumatic experience after another.  Being in a hypervigilent state allowed me to react quickly when needed - whether ducking from a violent parent or threatening husband or more recently managing the tragedies in my children's lives. 

I knew that I needed to reprogram my brain pathways to no longer perceive even a minor stress as a threat on an unconscious level, but also really needed to accept that I deserve to take time to heal.  The key word here is "deserve", for I have wrestled with this one for as long as I can remember.

I have been told by my various treaters that I do an excellent job taking care of myself with diet, exercise and a positive attitude, but the one place that has been hindered is in allowing rest to be part of the equation unless of course,  I was feeling so ill that I could not perform.  I finally see and am ready to blow through this blindspot.

Prescription in part is to be out in nature every day for about an hour.  I love being out there, but often shortchange that for work. And to sing more!  And to light a candle daily letting go of people and energies that no longer serve me.  There is more that will be revealed.

As I walked with Tammie today, we passed two nursing retirement homes and I saw the high walls as representative of being locked inside.  We keep old folks safe by putting walls up, emergency bells in place etc and in our lives, we often do the same thing - create imaginary walls to protect those injured childhood parts that need love and understanding before coming back to the whole and healed person.

I'm getting it and more importantly, feeling it.  For the past few days since returning from my weekend of immersion into brain rewiring, I have felt in my body in a way like never before and I have been smiling even when no one is looking!  Stay tuned for more ahhas in my upcoming book, hoping to be published in February.

Standing in front of the crumbled wall,