Day Five Home: A Day Alone But Not Lonely

I've now had 2 wound dressing changes at home, have begun to pick up speed on the walks and had my first decent sleep last night! How resilient we are as humans! As a family, we had many discussions this week about this weekend because of my potentially being on my own, so to speak. My younger daughter, now 19, who has had to clean bathrooms due to a pipe leak while I was in the hospital, take me to the ER an hour away in the middle of the night and take care of Tammie, our shih-poo, had an opportunity to go with friends for the weekend. We talked about it and I need and want her to be 19, not 65! My older daughter lives an hour plus away, works long hours and is feeling the pull of being the oldest needing to take care of things. Again, we are so lucky to have an open dialogue and landed upon the importance of the fact that I will let her know what/when I need her and she will visit when she can. In fact, today, she and her boyfriend are taking my Dad out for the day, so in many ways, this is taking care of a huge need for me! Interesting dynamics here. I grew up an only child with obligations and no real ability to state if I wanted to visit the elders on the weekends or not. It was expected, it was a weekly ritual and I learned to be a loyal care-taker no matter what! While there was safety psychologically for years that offered me protection - "I am good", "I take care of my family", "I am respectful" - it did not employ what is most important - choosing from the heart! As I continue to journey on the path of heart-centeredness, being in my integrity and truly "choosing", I am slowly shaking off these old parts of myself, dusting off to a cleaner, more authentic self on the inside. Not always easy because as much as our family and friends want us to be well on all levels, the change in behavior is not always desired. Back to today - I am not lonely - no, in fact, I have so many things that I want to do - work on revising my website, buying some starfish to create a wall-hanging for my bedroom, buying a baseball cap for those days when I can't wash my hair yet! The list goes on and what is so nice is that none of this is obligation - it is me choosing what I want in this moment! May your day be refreshing, Julie