As I awoke to this morning’s personalized saying from TUT
(The Universe Talks), I was reminded of this theme that has been showing up in
my office and life for the past month, since around the time that school
started. This is not an uncommon theme
for me when living life and working with clients.
|
“You can rest
assured, Julie, that those who have hurt you had absolutely no idea of what
they were doing nor what might come from it.
It never occurred to them that you'd become even more magnificent. That they'd be invoking your sympathy, adding to your compassion, and increasing your "sparkles." And it will still be eons before they can grasp that you actually welcomed them into your life for some of these very reasons. Cute. Love you with all of my heart, The Universe” |
I’ve been working in in the areas of nutrition, mental
health and eating disorders for many years and keep abreast of the current
literature on mind-body and early influences/social aspects for the clients
that I work with. I have long been
either on staff at schools and colleges or have been a guest presenter. I love
working with young people because there is such opportunity to assist in
allowing the development of positive markers – self-esteem, feelings of
capability and the list goes on.
Interestingly (but not coincidentally), I have journeyed
through these themes in my early childhood, often bullied and called “Fat Fern”
(my last name was Fernekees). I was then
plagued with the ups and down with weight from hormonal disorders and
medications that morphed into my own distortions about my body. While I never had a frank eating disorder, my
thought process was very much akin.
Anxiety, yes, from exposure to early childhood disruptions
and a family history – likely a combination of genes and modelling behavior.
In my adulthood, I chose to take these early traumas and to
learn about them, assisting others in their own journey. Not uncommon when one opens up to learning
about, facing and transforming these issues, they show up with even bigger
hurdles to face. My beautiful girls
experienced a lot of early trauma – many moves, one father with mental illness
and another who died very early – and the stage was set for seeing the world as
unsafe and unpredictable.
As we now know, these early experiences diminish the
capacity for the brain to make adequate and balanced levels of NTs
(neurotransmitters). As we journeyed
both traditional and non-traditional treatments, I often tested their
neurotransmitters, supported their diet and exposed both of them to wonderful
therapists. Life went along nicely until
college.
My older daughter faced six suicides before graduating HS
and had another close friend shot and killed in a robbery just prior to going
back for her junior year in college.
This totally changed her trajectory.
My younger daughter was witness to this and became involved in a state
recognized peer mentorship group, Adolescent Wellness, a group that I became
involved in on an advisory level. My girls
also faced multiple moves, our family dog, Krissy, who was deeply loved, having
to move due to no pets allowed in an apartment and my second husband died, all
within a 4 month period. Talk about
“Adjustment Disorder”!
All throughout this tumultuous time, I gathered information,
supported my kids and found that my practice was full of these issues –
different story, same emotional roller coaster.
And often, kids were insensitive.
One major challenge is being a student away from home, often
for the first time – new surroundings, unpredictable experiences,
bonding/security issues – and possibly low self-esteem with early traumas. When these conditions are together, the stage
is set for misunderstanding on both sides.
This can be tricky because both sides need to feel heard and understood
before the education, or I prefer “enrolling” begins. This is not uncommon in the early months
being away at college.
Most of the time, there are valid issues on both sides, but
if one person has grown up sheltered with basic needs met, there will be no context for
understanding how the person challenged with anxiety may perceive danger and a
lack of connection.
Before healing can begin, these elephants in the room need
to be exposed. Once this occurs, there
is an opportunity for neutral discussion and working through the misperceptions. I’ve navigated these conversations in my
office, on the college campus and truly love the opportunity to bring people
together in order to heal and move onto thriving.
There is a wonderful book series, “The Five Love Languages”,
written by therapist, Gary Chapman, and I have used this in my practice now for
a few years.
The motto of the story is that we all have the same basic
needs - some get them met early on, while others may have delays. Let us move forward to embrace and support
one another on this planet.
With healing energy,
Julie
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