As I awoke this morning, I was all too aware that this is the second anniversary of my Mom's passing. I did the usual morning routine, put the coffee on, got Tammie out to do her business and just looked at the beauty of the sky, quieting my mind for a moment to listen intently to the sounds around - the whisper of the air, the birds singing their morning songs and I thought, hmm, I want to quiet that mind enough to hear the waves gently lapping upon the shore - a good goal.
Once I came in, I thought of Mom and was easily transported back to Oct 13, 2013 - I was brought back to preparing to make the trip out to Hubbardston once again to assist my Dad with all the arrangements, feeling quite on alert and not as tired as one would think with about 3 hours of sleep. My next focus was a song, a very favorite one, Be Not Afraid - and I began to hum it for a few moments.
All of a sudden, this past week of highs and lows came into focus. There are no coincidences and music continues to be so powerful for me - not only as expression, but as purpose and meaning. The words in a song, often bring to light my emotions and my thoughts put into words and melody.
As I've mentioned in previous blogs, anniversaries have a lot of meaning for me. I am aware of these important dates up to a week before and usually awaken with reminiscences of the person, our relationship, the intent and purpose of our being together in this life. Yup, I am a deep thinker.
My Mom was a supportive cheerleader regarding my pursuits - she brought me to my music lessons as a child, she joined my various nutrition groups and became one of the gang, so to speak. I often gently listen to her support now, even though she is not here in the physical sense and this past week is no coincidence.
I have been working on a life-long dream since college days and came to a pivotal time when I am to really proclaim what I am "up to". I have dreamed of having a bed and breakfast in Marblehead since I was at Framingham State University in the Nutrition and Home Economics Department back in the 70's. I planned to cook my healthy meals and teach and support others in their process along the path to wellness. As I've explored this opportunity over this past year, it has grown into a retreat center and most recently, given the property that I envision as "thee place", I have learned that it must also be a non-profit. Thus began the exploration of just what a non-profit is and does, as well as how it operates.
Of course, this is entirely new territory for me and while there is a steep learning curve, I feel guided into continuing along a path that appears, at least on the outside, either crazy or impossible. By the end of last week, I had reached a point of sending out my letters of intent to all of the Marblehead Neck residents - easily over 500 letters copied, stamped and by Friday, I had the ego looming in the back of my head telling me that I am not prepared, have no business pursuing such big idea and the overarching theme that I continue to wrestle with - do I deserve this!
I decided to go to the post office anyway and mailed out my numerous letters. I felt a sense of accomplishment as well as astonishment - I am proclaiming my desire to bring health, healing and support to not only a beautiful oceanside community, but to those desiring a destination retreat where their path is held sacred.
Mom, thank you for your support, not only while on earth, but in the very air surrounding me - we are all spiritual beings experiencing a mortal world.
Namaste,
Julie
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