Are You An American? First, I Am Human

Another fabulous quote from TUT this morning and I needed to write my blog sooner than the weekend!

"These are the times, Julie - when hopes are dashed and chaos abounds - that golden opportunities, prized ideas, and new friends emerge into the view of all, but at first are seen only by the few who look. 

Let's go crazy, 
    The Universe"

I've never been a political person and in fact, recall, really disliking the class in High School, to the point where I remember my teacher and the exact room and seat that I sat in!  I found it hard to memorize and grasp the ideas, more favoring math, science and music.

My political information comes from WNPR when I am in the car and I do not watch television - too much chaos, trauma and generally focused on what's going wrong rather than the big picture of the many positive experiences in life.

Media can instill fear and fear creates an easy medium for those in charge to make decisions that are not necessarily spiritually focused.  I have had the honor of speaking at Babson College, a presitgious Boston area college and they have created programs emphasizing spirituality in business.

As part of my next chapter in my work, I look forward to aligning with executives in order to foster not only self-care on multiple levels, but also to influence how they bring this into business and industry.

I've also begun a year-long course in Astrology and as I coalesce concepts that I resonate with, this is indeed a time of chaos, basically an undoing or fall of what was and with this lies opportunity.  We DO have opportunities to recreate not only an America, but a world of peace and harmony.

This will require discipline to listen to our own inner needs, coming from a place of love and not fear, recognizing that there is enough material and energy for all and to use this time of uncertainty to reflect and not react.

Yes, I am an American, but I am first human and I hope to be one small voice and one small beacon of light to assist in a new emergence of humanity.

Sending peace and love to all,
Julie

Understanding Our Young Adults With Compassion

As I awoke to this morning’s personalized saying from TUT (The Universe Talks), I was reminded of this theme that has been showing up in my office and life for the past month, since around the time that school started.  This is not an uncommon theme for me when living life and working with clients.

“You can rest assured, Julie, that those who have hurt you had absolutely no idea of what they were doing nor what might come from it. It never occurred to them that you'd become even more magnificent. That they'd be invoking your sympathy, adding to your compassion, and increasing your "sparkles." And it will still be eons before they can grasp that you actually welcomed them into your life for some of these very reasons. Cute. Love you with all of my heart,     The Universe”

I’ve been working in in the areas of nutrition, mental health and eating disorders for many years and keep abreast of the current literature on mind-body and early influences/social aspects for the clients that I work with.  I have long been either on staff at schools and colleges or have been a guest presenter.   I love working with young people because there is such opportunity to assist in allowing the development of positive markers – self-esteem, feelings of capability and the list goes on.

Interestingly (but not coincidentally), I have journeyed through these themes in my early childhood, often bullied and called “Fat Fern” (my last name was Fernekees).  I was then plagued with the ups and down with weight from hormonal disorders and medications that morphed into my own distortions about my body.  While I never had a frank eating disorder, my thought process was very much akin.

Anxiety, yes, from exposure to early childhood disruptions and a family history – likely a combination of  genes and modelling behavior.

In my adulthood, I chose to take these early traumas and to learn about them, assisting others in their own journey.  Not uncommon when one opens up to learning about, facing and transforming these issues, they show up with even bigger hurdles to face.  My beautiful girls experienced a lot of early trauma – many moves, one father with mental illness and another who died very early – and the stage was set for seeing the world as unsafe and unpredictable.

As we now know, these early experiences diminish the capacity for the brain to make adequate and balanced levels of NTs (neurotransmitters).  As we journeyed both traditional and non-traditional treatments, I often tested their neurotransmitters, supported their diet and exposed both of them to wonderful therapists.  Life went along nicely until college.

My older daughter faced six suicides before graduating HS and had another close friend shot and killed in a robbery just prior to going back for her junior year in college.  This totally changed her trajectory.  My younger daughter was witness to this and became involved in a state recognized peer mentorship group, Adolescent Wellness, a group that I became involved in on an advisory level.  My girls also faced multiple moves, our family dog, Krissy, who was deeply loved, having to move due to no pets allowed in an apartment and my second husband died, all within a 4 month period.  Talk about “Adjustment Disorder”!

All throughout this tumultuous time, I gathered information, supported my kids and found that my practice was full of these issues – different story, same emotional roller coaster.  And often, kids were insensitive. 

One major challenge is being a student away from home, often for the first time – new surroundings, unpredictable experiences, bonding/security issues – and possibly low self-esteem with early traumas.  When these conditions are together, the stage is set for misunderstanding on both sides.  This can be tricky because both sides need to feel heard and understood before the education, or I prefer “enrolling” begins.  This is not uncommon in the early months being away at college.

Most of the time, there are valid issues on both sides, but if one person has grown up sheltered with  basic needs met, there will be no context for understanding how the person challenged with anxiety may perceive danger and a lack of connection.

Before healing can begin, these elephants in the room need to be exposed.  Once this occurs, there is an opportunity for neutral discussion and working through the misperceptions.  I’ve navigated these conversations in my office, on the college campus and truly love the opportunity to bring people together in order to heal and move onto thriving.

There is a wonderful book series, “The Five Love Languages”, written by therapist, Gary Chapman, and I have used this in my practice now for a few years.

The motto of the story is that we all have the same basic needs - some get them met early on, while others may have delays.  Let us move forward to embrace and support one another on this planet.

With healing energy,

Julie

And The Prescription Is Play

As I left my meeting with one of my gurus on Friday, we hit upon a powerful aspect of my personality and what can become the tipping point into the abyss of negativity.  I have a voracious desire to learn, to integrate and to make this knowledge cohesive and available to others.  I use my personal journey through the hills and valleys in order to have a concrete understanding and reality-check before disseminating my “findings”.

In my journey, I learn, read, process, listen attentively and then hit a wall – a wall of complete mental and physical exhaustion, often find myself watching my mindless shows for about 40-60 minutes.  The catch is that there is tremendous guilt in “doing nothing”, in indulging in a purpose-less activity.  This nightmare is not only increasing my exhaustion, but the ghosts of self-doubt emerge and I’m off and running with the following:  “I’m not good enough”, “I’ll never know enough”, “How will you heal your patients”.  Ugh – not a pretty site.

Fortunately, these phases have become shorter, but as I continue to “peel the layers” of my own onion, I am aware of these few remaining hooks that have been with me forever.  I am also able to use my “outside observer”, the phrase that I use over and over again with my clients, in order to be less stuck in the feelings, aware that it is uncomfortable, but also knowing that this is not me, but my conditioning.

Oh that conditioning!  It comes not only from our parents, but from anyone and any circumstances that have been in our lives generally before the age of seven.  It has been often stated in the psychological literature that the Jesuits knew this hundreds of years ago and would state, “Give me a boy before the age of seven and I’ll give you a man.”  This model has been used throughout psychological studies to help us understand how much conditioning and early life experiences shape who we are today.

Enough of the philosophy and psychology, now more of the personal piece.  I’ve shared in past blogs about being the “only child” whose parents wanted to make sure that I was not the “spoiled only child”.  And indeed I was not.  I received remakes, hand-me-downs and Mom, an amazing seamstress, made some of my clothing out of curtains because her “allowance” was very meager.  While well-intentioned and coming from an intended place of love, looking at it with expanded vision, I see how fear was really the driver.  In fact, fear is often the driver in our lives.

Doing tasks and chores at an early age have certainly helped with challenging circumstances that I’ve experienced in my adulthood but what was missing was the vital role that play and imagination are equally important.  I’ve become an expert task-master, often seen as a high achiever and a dependable person, but at what expense?

The journey back to re-learn how to play is not an easy one, but it is well-worth the effort!  On Monday, I had a list of patient-related and business-related tasks to do, but I also had just come off from a long weekend of training in genetics, knowing that I would need time to decompress.  Oh, but the brain was telling me, no, there is no time for play, yet my heart was pounding even louder telling me that I must turn to love and not fear.  It is often stated in various scriptures of many spiritual texts, “live like a child of God”.

Combining my work on Friday with Kristina with my spiritual phrases, I took time with Tammie to play fetch at the park.  It had been such a long time since we played like this outdoors, that she forgot to bring it back to me in the beginning.  Soon, we were both frolicking and feeling playful.

My message to you all is to face those inner demons and lighten the load with balance and fun in your life!

Tiptoe Through The Tulips,

Julie

Magic and Music

It began on Friday evening at my former church, St John's, which I often referred to as my second home.  I was delayed in traffic getting there but felt quite calm about it.  I knew that I was prepared and that all would be well. I had also used my Grounding Essential Oil which has Vetiver, a potent relaxing oil along with Lavender and other wonderful oils.

A little aside - this oil was supposed to arrive for Lindsay and Scott's wedding back in August but was on back order.  It was fine because I was so over the top with joy that nerves just didn't enter the equation.

We all arrived, set up stands and amps and prepared for this joyous occasion, my close friends' daughter's wedding.  Now this is one talented family and along with the church organist, the bride's brothers and cousin on guitars, played the processional accompanied by a violinist. And now the magic began.

While I've cantored in church for years, I love "out of the ordinary" ways to connect with others in a musical sense.  I was brought down memory lane, recalling how my best friend and I started the folk mass in our church back in 70's.  Our Monsignor was not a fan and thus we played in the basement of the church.  Within a few years, we were upstairs at a regular mass time and became popular wedding singers.

Moving forward to the 90's at St John's - it was here where I met this family and we instantly became long-term friends.  I was so honored to be asked to cantor the wedding and to help in the choice of music.  Words and melodies are one of my expressions of love and connection to God and others.

The mass was beautiful, the priest so full of passion and the couple, well, extraordinary!  Following mass was a beautiful reception.  I met nice people, chatted with friends and even met someone from "Medfa" (Medford) where I grew up.  Her folks new my best friends's parents.  It truly is a small world.  

Onto more music.  Not only did the Dad's band play but all the kids, including the bride, joined in with singing, guitar playing and original songs written.  People were joyous.  It was a festive event.

Now for the magic - my friends have been divorced for a few years and while divorce brings pain, it is also an opportunity for growth.  What I witnessed was magical.  This family came together as a family, sharing in the beauty of what was and what is today.

I have chosen to keep names anonymous but my message to all is to look beneath the surface and see the beauty and gift in each unfolding event.

With love and gratitude
Julie

Honoring Those Before Us and Moving On

As I reflect upon these past few weeks, I am so drawn to my mother's pride in our American Indian heritage.  She even spent time with Ashley reviewing the family history, sharing photos and stories of our relatives since Ashley had interest in learning more.

I had many opportunities to meet my great uncles, Art and Walter, who looked just like many of the photos of our Indian ancestors - beautiful sky blue eyes with a bronze complexion - and oh, yes, those high cheekbones - a sign of beauty in our culture!

Mom was pretty cool about different ceremonies - yoga, drumming, certain forms of meditation - and as I've mentioned in blogs before, she was one of the group.  During these past few years, especially since my own concentrated health journey, I have been witnessing and experiencing these traditions more closely.  I attribute an expanding awareness to my mentors, Kristina and Heather and have so much gratitude for their wisdom and guidance.  I am certainly more "awake" with regard to the connections between what we see and what is not seen, gaining increasing trust in my intuition, which often guides me in sessions with my clients.

Given that Thursday was the anniversary of Mom's passing, Kristina had suggested a fire ceremony,  both honoring what was beautiful and letting go of habits and energies that have been passed down.  Right away, I started down the trail of "will I do it right", "what if it is not what it is supposed to be" - all that Virgo stuff that can sometimes get in my way!  At least now I am more aware of the pitfalls of my personality thanks to Heather, thus I have the opportunity to see it, name it, and use techniques to move on.

All day I was aware of the happenings of Oct 13, 2013, but I had passed through my grief during the days before.  I wrote out slips of paper with messages beginning with "Dear Mom", and continued to create each message about gratitude and letting go.  I used Holy Wood as my incense, blessing my area with this wonderful smell and then lit each piece of paper after reading the message aloud.

This ceremony felt so freeing and also so connecting to our lineage.  As I think about this personal example, expanding into our present times, I cannot help but think that taking time to stop, reflect, honor and let go, would be so very beneficial in our fast-paced daily lives.

May you take time to follow these principles.
With Love,
Julie

The Crest And Fall Of The Wave

It's been that roller coaster ride of emotions.  In all that there is, life continues with its highs and lows.

In conversations with clients and my daughter last week, the lesson seemed to be that in order to experience the joy and exhilaration, there is also the darkness.  Some of my clients who have been on anti-depressants mentioned the dislike for the numbing action because it just didn't seem/feel normal.  Yet, there is this fear and anticipation of entering the dark.  After all, society demonizes the dark, as if it will overtake one or label one as abnormal.

How far from the truth this is!  Yet, we are conditioned to believe that life should always be a bed of roses.

Today, I received a lovely email from a friend of my Mom and Dad, acknowledging how my Dad is talking about his getting close to the top of the list for senior housing.  He has resisted until just recently and she noted his waning appetite, his increasing frailty and how she could only imagine how hard this acceptance must be.

This comes on the eve before my Mom and Dad's anniversary and the day that my Mom went into a coma, dying only a little after midnight when the family all arrived.  I felt this pain deeply, yet allowed myself to feel it.  I know now that allowing the dark to enter, will bring light at the end.  And it has taken years for me to finally get here.  My MO was always to get through adversity, to make sure that everyone else was taken care of, and in the process, buried feelings so deep that it is now three years later and I am feeling the sadness even more of Mom not being here in human form.  I am also so very aware of my Dad's moving closer to these later days/years of his own life.

It is coupled with complexity, for my relationship with Dad has been respectful and dutiful, but that emotional connection has not been there.  I no longer blame either one of us, for the lessons will continue to come and as long as I hold love in my heart for me not being able to "fix it" and for Dad for showing his love as he knew how, things will be okay.

Taking time to explore those darker places of oneself, of life experiences, will provide an opportunity for greater love and respect for the cycle of life.

May you embrace all that life offers,
Julie

So Much To Say But Need To Streamline!

Just off a whirling dervish of emotions, wonderful emails about this month's newsletter and a real confirmation about why I am here and why I do what I do!

I am at a point in my life where I feel safe (well safer!) and comfortable (yup, more comfortable!) in expressing my thoughts and feelings.  The parenthesis just lets you know that this continues to be a process and will always be evolving.

I began a year long study of astrology with a dear colleague and mentor, who was traditionally trained as a PhD psychologist.  She shunned this "poofy science" years ago, but had a personal transformation and voila, the lightbulbs turned on.  I am amazed and in awe at just how precise and mathematical this whole study is, and find it a bit intimidating and overwhelming as well.  I decided last night that I will "have fun with it" - not my usual Virgo style, which is to perfect and scrutinize and memorize all that there is.

My mission in all of this is to bring the science that I know and continue to study - labs, genes, medical tests of all sorts - together with the spiritual science that is beginning to be rekindled in our society at present.  Bruce Lipton's recent book, Spontaneous Evolution, nicely documents the history and evolution of science and spirituality.

I want to bring this marriage of the two worlds into usable information for not only myself, but my family, friends and clients.  There is a time of readiness for us all and it has been viewing my challenges as gifts for transformation, that has allowed me to get to this point in my life with open eyes and awe.

May you be grateful for all that life has to offer,
Julie