And The Prescription Is Play

As I left my meeting with one of my gurus on Friday, we hit upon a powerful aspect of my personality and what can become the tipping point into the abyss of negativity.  I have a voracious desire to learn, to integrate and to make this knowledge cohesive and available to others.  I use my personal journey through the hills and valleys in order to have a concrete understanding and reality-check before disseminating my “findings”.

In my journey, I learn, read, process, listen attentively and then hit a wall – a wall of complete mental and physical exhaustion, often find myself watching my mindless shows for about 40-60 minutes.  The catch is that there is tremendous guilt in “doing nothing”, in indulging in a purpose-less activity.  This nightmare is not only increasing my exhaustion, but the ghosts of self-doubt emerge and I’m off and running with the following:  “I’m not good enough”, “I’ll never know enough”, “How will you heal your patients”.  Ugh – not a pretty site.

Fortunately, these phases have become shorter, but as I continue to “peel the layers” of my own onion, I am aware of these few remaining hooks that have been with me forever.  I am also able to use my “outside observer”, the phrase that I use over and over again with my clients, in order to be less stuck in the feelings, aware that it is uncomfortable, but also knowing that this is not me, but my conditioning.

Oh that conditioning!  It comes not only from our parents, but from anyone and any circumstances that have been in our lives generally before the age of seven.  It has been often stated in the psychological literature that the Jesuits knew this hundreds of years ago and would state, “Give me a boy before the age of seven and I’ll give you a man.”  This model has been used throughout psychological studies to help us understand how much conditioning and early life experiences shape who we are today.

Enough of the philosophy and psychology, now more of the personal piece.  I’ve shared in past blogs about being the “only child” whose parents wanted to make sure that I was not the “spoiled only child”.  And indeed I was not.  I received remakes, hand-me-downs and Mom, an amazing seamstress, made some of my clothing out of curtains because her “allowance” was very meager.  While well-intentioned and coming from an intended place of love, looking at it with expanded vision, I see how fear was really the driver.  In fact, fear is often the driver in our lives.

Doing tasks and chores at an early age have certainly helped with challenging circumstances that I’ve experienced in my adulthood but what was missing was the vital role that play and imagination are equally important.  I’ve become an expert task-master, often seen as a high achiever and a dependable person, but at what expense?

The journey back to re-learn how to play is not an easy one, but it is well-worth the effort!  On Monday, I had a list of patient-related and business-related tasks to do, but I also had just come off from a long weekend of training in genetics, knowing that I would need time to decompress.  Oh, but the brain was telling me, no, there is no time for play, yet my heart was pounding even louder telling me that I must turn to love and not fear.  It is often stated in various scriptures of many spiritual texts, “live like a child of God”.

Combining my work on Friday with Kristina with my spiritual phrases, I took time with Tammie to play fetch at the park.  It had been such a long time since we played like this outdoors, that she forgot to bring it back to me in the beginning.  Soon, we were both frolicking and feeling playful.

My message to you all is to face those inner demons and lighten the load with balance and fun in your life!

Tiptoe Through The Tulips,

Julie

Magic and Music

It began on Friday evening at my former church, St John's, which I often referred to as my second home.  I was delayed in traffic getting there but felt quite calm about it.  I knew that I was prepared and that all would be well. I had also used my Grounding Essential Oil which has Vetiver, a potent relaxing oil along with Lavender and other wonderful oils.

A little aside - this oil was supposed to arrive for Lindsay and Scott's wedding back in August but was on back order.  It was fine because I was so over the top with joy that nerves just didn't enter the equation.

We all arrived, set up stands and amps and prepared for this joyous occasion, my close friends' daughter's wedding.  Now this is one talented family and along with the church organist, the bride's brothers and cousin on guitars, played the processional accompanied by a violinist. And now the magic began.

While I've cantored in church for years, I love "out of the ordinary" ways to connect with others in a musical sense.  I was brought down memory lane, recalling how my best friend and I started the folk mass in our church back in 70's.  Our Monsignor was not a fan and thus we played in the basement of the church.  Within a few years, we were upstairs at a regular mass time and became popular wedding singers.

Moving forward to the 90's at St John's - it was here where I met this family and we instantly became long-term friends.  I was so honored to be asked to cantor the wedding and to help in the choice of music.  Words and melodies are one of my expressions of love and connection to God and others.

The mass was beautiful, the priest so full of passion and the couple, well, extraordinary!  Following mass was a beautiful reception.  I met nice people, chatted with friends and even met someone from "Medfa" (Medford) where I grew up.  Her folks new my best friends's parents.  It truly is a small world.  

Onto more music.  Not only did the Dad's band play but all the kids, including the bride, joined in with singing, guitar playing and original songs written.  People were joyous.  It was a festive event.

Now for the magic - my friends have been divorced for a few years and while divorce brings pain, it is also an opportunity for growth.  What I witnessed was magical.  This family came together as a family, sharing in the beauty of what was and what is today.

I have chosen to keep names anonymous but my message to all is to look beneath the surface and see the beauty and gift in each unfolding event.

With love and gratitude
Julie

Honoring Those Before Us and Moving On

As I reflect upon these past few weeks, I am so drawn to my mother's pride in our American Indian heritage.  She even spent time with Ashley reviewing the family history, sharing photos and stories of our relatives since Ashley had interest in learning more.

I had many opportunities to meet my great uncles, Art and Walter, who looked just like many of the photos of our Indian ancestors - beautiful sky blue eyes with a bronze complexion - and oh, yes, those high cheekbones - a sign of beauty in our culture!

Mom was pretty cool about different ceremonies - yoga, drumming, certain forms of meditation - and as I've mentioned in blogs before, she was one of the group.  During these past few years, especially since my own concentrated health journey, I have been witnessing and experiencing these traditions more closely.  I attribute an expanding awareness to my mentors, Kristina and Heather and have so much gratitude for their wisdom and guidance.  I am certainly more "awake" with regard to the connections between what we see and what is not seen, gaining increasing trust in my intuition, which often guides me in sessions with my clients.

Given that Thursday was the anniversary of Mom's passing, Kristina had suggested a fire ceremony,  both honoring what was beautiful and letting go of habits and energies that have been passed down.  Right away, I started down the trail of "will I do it right", "what if it is not what it is supposed to be" - all that Virgo stuff that can sometimes get in my way!  At least now I am more aware of the pitfalls of my personality thanks to Heather, thus I have the opportunity to see it, name it, and use techniques to move on.

All day I was aware of the happenings of Oct 13, 2013, but I had passed through my grief during the days before.  I wrote out slips of paper with messages beginning with "Dear Mom", and continued to create each message about gratitude and letting go.  I used Holy Wood as my incense, blessing my area with this wonderful smell and then lit each piece of paper after reading the message aloud.

This ceremony felt so freeing and also so connecting to our lineage.  As I think about this personal example, expanding into our present times, I cannot help but think that taking time to stop, reflect, honor and let go, would be so very beneficial in our fast-paced daily lives.

May you take time to follow these principles.
With Love,
Julie

The Crest And Fall Of The Wave

It's been that roller coaster ride of emotions.  In all that there is, life continues with its highs and lows.

In conversations with clients and my daughter last week, the lesson seemed to be that in order to experience the joy and exhilaration, there is also the darkness.  Some of my clients who have been on anti-depressants mentioned the dislike for the numbing action because it just didn't seem/feel normal.  Yet, there is this fear and anticipation of entering the dark.  After all, society demonizes the dark, as if it will overtake one or label one as abnormal.

How far from the truth this is!  Yet, we are conditioned to believe that life should always be a bed of roses.

Today, I received a lovely email from a friend of my Mom and Dad, acknowledging how my Dad is talking about his getting close to the top of the list for senior housing.  He has resisted until just recently and she noted his waning appetite, his increasing frailty and how she could only imagine how hard this acceptance must be.

This comes on the eve before my Mom and Dad's anniversary and the day that my Mom went into a coma, dying only a little after midnight when the family all arrived.  I felt this pain deeply, yet allowed myself to feel it.  I know now that allowing the dark to enter, will bring light at the end.  And it has taken years for me to finally get here.  My MO was always to get through adversity, to make sure that everyone else was taken care of, and in the process, buried feelings so deep that it is now three years later and I am feeling the sadness even more of Mom not being here in human form.  I am also so very aware of my Dad's moving closer to these later days/years of his own life.

It is coupled with complexity, for my relationship with Dad has been respectful and dutiful, but that emotional connection has not been there.  I no longer blame either one of us, for the lessons will continue to come and as long as I hold love in my heart for me not being able to "fix it" and for Dad for showing his love as he knew how, things will be okay.

Taking time to explore those darker places of oneself, of life experiences, will provide an opportunity for greater love and respect for the cycle of life.

May you embrace all that life offers,
Julie

So Much To Say But Need To Streamline!

Just off a whirling dervish of emotions, wonderful emails about this month's newsletter and a real confirmation about why I am here and why I do what I do!

I am at a point in my life where I feel safe (well safer!) and comfortable (yup, more comfortable!) in expressing my thoughts and feelings.  The parenthesis just lets you know that this continues to be a process and will always be evolving.

I began a year long study of astrology with a dear colleague and mentor, who was traditionally trained as a PhD psychologist.  She shunned this "poofy science" years ago, but had a personal transformation and voila, the lightbulbs turned on.  I am amazed and in awe at just how precise and mathematical this whole study is, and find it a bit intimidating and overwhelming as well.  I decided last night that I will "have fun with it" - not my usual Virgo style, which is to perfect and scrutinize and memorize all that there is.

My mission in all of this is to bring the science that I know and continue to study - labs, genes, medical tests of all sorts - together with the spiritual science that is beginning to be rekindled in our society at present.  Bruce Lipton's recent book, Spontaneous Evolution, nicely documents the history and evolution of science and spirituality.

I want to bring this marriage of the two worlds into usable information for not only myself, but my family, friends and clients.  There is a time of readiness for us all and it has been viewing my challenges as gifts for transformation, that has allowed me to get to this point in my life with open eyes and awe.

May you be grateful for all that life has to offer,
Julie

Going In

As I write this blog, I am sitting all zipped up at Chandler Hovey Park, better known as Lighthouse Park.  It is a beautiful place where I usually ride my bicycle to, but today, I am writing, sitting with Tammie and enjoying the sunny day and brisk breeze.  What an abrupt change from the 80+ degree mugginess a few days ago.

As the Fall approaches, I often think of years past when I would feel a sense of doom and gloom.  Back 30 years ago, SAD was not even thought about, never-mind  treated.  Over the past few years, however, I embrace this season more openly, enjoying the darker evenings when I can light my candle, relax (well sometimes I still work too late!) and take this time for reflection, going into the dark.

I think of some of the spiritual aspects of the changing seasons and I find it interesting as a culture, we often fear the dark, think of it as bad and yet, without the dark, there can be no light.  Looking to the wisdom of the earth, this is all too well a known fact.

Advent, which does not come until November-December, is another reminder of this time of going deep within, to reflect on the blessings we have and to prepare for the celebration of life.

It would not be complete without sharing what else I do in order to face the darkness.  Yes, energy is lower and mood can be less vibrant as well, thus I use a UV light each morning and increase fish oils and vitamin D.  I generally ask my patients to have a lab test done before increasing D too much.  An ideal level is 50-80.  Increasing omega threes can be done with eating fatty fish, walnuts and leafy greens that have been lightly cooked with some acid and oil such as lemon juice and olive oil.  My blog would not feel complete without these pearls of nutritional wisdom!

May you embrace this change of season with gratitude and an open heart.

With love

Julie

"Oh What A Night" - Or Something Like That!

Here I am in San Luis Obispo, CA, waiting at Whole Foods until my flight leaves to return to San Francisco.

It has been quite a week - a truly amazing one at that.  Last Saturday, Lindsay and Scott were married in Marblehead, overlooking the ocean and we celebrated with family and a few close friends.  What an amazing event.  They are truly a couple who is not only in love, but are two people who shine as individuals as well.

On Monday morning, Ashley and I boarded for a 3-day grad school trip, to scope out colleges for holistic psychology.  The apples surely have not fallen far from this tree!  We spent a spectacular day in Boulder, CO, riding cycles from campus to campus and into town.  My kinda travel.  The air and surroundings were so crisp and clean.

The next day, we flew into San Francisco and visited another school - fabulous program, but in the center of the big city - neither of our favorite surroundings.  We drove to the highest point in San Fran for the overlook - what a view!

Third day was "Do You Know the Way to San Jose" - remember that song?  Visited our final school, then strolled into the shopping area abutting silicon valley.  Had a great lunch, viewed the area than headed back to San Fran for the "rice-a-roni" ride.  How thrilling!  We hung on the outside moving straight up and down the streets of San Fran.  What was more thrilling (or shall I say, fearful!) was the ride up and down the road in the car.  At one point, we could not even see over the top of the car.

Next morning, Ashley boarded for Boston and I, SLO.  I've been checking out like-minded communities with a relocation consideration and I must say, the environment is more open than in Boston.  I have met some wonderful people who truly subscribe to functional and integrative medicine and tomorrow, I see three more communities for comparison.  In the end, I will still be available for my clients, whether I am on the east coast or the west and in fact, have one client who recently moved from Boston to San Fran.  My other dear student is back in Japan.

Life is certainly interesting, full of opportunities for growth, self-introspection and appreciation for the many gifts.  My message to you is to embrace what life has to offer.

With love,
Julie