Chemo: Day Three of Reflections

I had a really good sleep - 9 hours, which is what seems to be best for me these days and yet with my medical schedule, it often does not occur. This luxury felt great! I had a somewhat busy day ahead, but continued to set a pace that seemed achievable. Last week, as I prepared to take my daughter to UMass for her 2nd year of college, my battery died the day before, but at least I had finished my medical appointments for the day and thankfully, it was the day before and not the day of our 3 hour roadtrip! While life gets complicated and full, I notice that it all does seem to work out anyway. I've also noticed that I become much less "ruffled" than in the past because in the grande scheme of life, hassles are normal and expected and as one of my wise healers has told me, "Julie, you need to learn to live in the messy." I think of this phrase often, especially when I plan how "I'd" like to see things happen. Really need to take that "I" out of there and am getting better at it! Car shop to fix minor issues caused by replacing the battery - check Long ride during afternoon rush hour back to home to meet with my nurse for pic line dressing change - check Print and fax work-related stuff that is time-sensitive - check Prep and have dinner - check Wait to get Tammie from my dogsitter - check Pack up to return to my daughter's for last overnight, as she has changed two of my wound dressings and has one more to do - check Drive back - check Relax with my daughter and her boyfriend, watching a movie - favorite past-time for us all - check Tired but thankful that I am still so capable and while diminished energy from what I was used to, I'm pretty impressed with being able to carry on life. This mindset is new for me. I have been the "energizer bunny" for years, accomplishing things beyond what many people do, and yet, I felt never good enough, never accomplished enough, always judging and evaluating what I did and did not do. While I've "worked on it, the ego digs its claws very deeply into these thoughts and feelings of oneself. Slowly, life is evolving as it must - balance in the messy will bring me through. I challenge you today to balance while being in the messy! Julie