Chemo: Day One of Seven Reflections

I approached the hospital with confidence, had my blood drawn and met with one of my doctors. She explained in detail what I had fretted about last week and it all came together. Being the scientist, as well as the one who pursues spiritual meanings, I had my mini-meltdown last week when I was left a message to stop taking the Neupogen shots for the week before initiating chemo. First of all, it was my first official week back seeing clients in person - got the OK from my surgeon and was so excited to be back in action and not just on the skype screen! Neupogen is a medication to improve the white blood cells that fight infection and without it, I have had my worst numbers yet since the staph infection. After unsuccessfully attempting to reach the nurse - dropped cell calls, malfunctioning Iphone on my end - I faxed a note and waited to hear that I could "pad the process" by keeping the shots to every other day. Nope! And there was just a voicemail with no explanation. Back to quarantine status - getting really used to no handshakes, hugs or kisses! When I met with my doc yesterday, she explained that chemo will wipe out the cancer and the other good cells - knew that already - but she went on to say that it is a time to give the bone marrow a rest and to allow the chemo to do its demolition. I will be immune suppressed for a few more weeks before the stimulation begins. I had also met with my naturopath, for whom I immediately had an affinity. We speak the same language - natural processes, assisting the body to do its work, acknowledging the innate intelligence of our cells. He had done some tests and we were to review results. Well, the results showed that indeed, I need the sledge hammer, as he described it. But he also described the timing of the upcoming events and suggested some herbal support measures (with clinical studies to back them up) to support my white blood cells. He described the following: chemo=sledge hammer, to kill the cancer cells; then start immune building factors a week later, again test to see progress and what else may be called for. In addition, some supplements will address the resistant cancer cells that linger and may re-initiate the cancer process in the upcoming years. As I sat in the chair at the clinic, I felt good about the upcoming week, although I had no idea how I would feel. I felt ready to go into the unknown territory and truly embrace it. Later in the day, I was tired and began to listen to more of the audio-book, Mind Over Medicine. Dr Rankin talked in great detail about the relaxation response and how to achieve it. I decided to create my own guided imagery - something I am quite familiar with and use frequently. I visualized the chemotherapy cleaning out my body, as ocean waves taking out the damaged cancer cells and washing them away. I also visualized happy, bright white-golden cells infiltrating my body as the waves came back to shore. I felt my body sink into the couch and truly let go, being immersed in relaxation. It felt good - I feel good. May you be blessed with understanding your process and rise and fall with the crest of the wave - powerful and yet so gentle. With love, Julie