The Gray Slate Chalkboard

So, I've been mostly disconnected for 30 hours - my computer went down, which is a lifeline for me to keep up with work, creativity, doing searches for my next steps etc. I came back into the ER at 1:15am Wed night, after developing a rash and then swollen leg, had further tests to determine that the abscess in my leg is growing and not shrinking. So now I am being scheduled for surgery and the intuitive part of me felt that this may be what it takes. I awoke this morning with still no internet connection and for the first time envisioned a clean, gray, old-fashioned chalk board. For me this symbolizes really starting from scratch, some of what the various energy/spiritual guides have been telling me these past few years. Instead of being afraid, I am curious - it is like really starting life over. Of course, I feel very badly rescheduling my clients - I love working with my clients and do feel a sense of letting them down, despite being unable to really do anything about it! I feel the mother guilt for my two girls, one who just moved with me to Marblehead - new town, new people,working, taking summer classes to start a new college in the Fall, an hour away from the hospital. My other daughter works a lot, has just finished advanced educational training, visits me daily and has been helping out as able with TT (Tammie), our dog. Ashley mentioned how she (Tammie) is a bit anxious with being driven to one house or another these past two weeks. Her Mamma is not home! As I talk with my girls, we openly discuss how terrifying it is to have their one parent in the hospital, and yet, given that we have lived as a single parent family for years, my girls are very capable and I continue to acknowledge their fear and anger, as well as promote these challenges as tools for them to use in their life work. While having my computer affords me these opportunities to reach out to you, my faithful audience, the lack of being wired held a special importance for me as well. I am being called to really start over, to dig deep inside and bring forth the wisdom and intuition that I have been told I've been gifted with. So, while I lay in pain, not loving that part, I am truly alive and open to the quiet messages. In peace and love, Julie