Picking Up Where I Left Off

 It is April 20, 2021 and my last entry was in 2018.  Where has the time gone?  How much has life changed in these almost three years?

Well, a lot has changed for sure.  I've often felt that I have been on the fast track when it comes to experiencing life lessons and then having that choice, as we all do, to learn or remain stuck.

And while I may grumble at times, I have been blessed with resilience and the ability to see beyond the circumstance.  We are all in this most unprecedented time called the Covid Pandemic - an opportunity to create new ways of being in the world.  And yet, all around is chaos, hatred, social injustice, expanding financial inequity.  How does one reconcile such opposing forces?

Looking at history, going way back thousands of years, the old and entrenched ways of being are held onto for dear life because of fear - fear of the unknown, fear of change and the never ending 'what ifs'. This is human behavior in the material plane and yet science is now able to observe, chart and quantify that there are other forces at play that can empower our choices with greater confidence and a "knowing" that living a life with integrity and purpose will support harmony within ourselves, with our families, co-workers, communities and our environment.  This is quantum science.  We are learning that indeed we are spiritual beings having a human experience.

I will be sharing my thoughts, ideas and perspectives in this blog and am excited to be picking up where I left off!  Stay tuned for the high points and not so high of Julie Freeman.

Blessings, Julie

One Year Later

It's been a few weeks since my last entry.  I was away at an amazing conference at Esalen, a retreat center on the edge of Big Sur overlooking the ocean.  What a breath-taking sight, as well as the immersion with 140 other people who are passionate about Mind Body Medicine!  Following the week-long conference, I met with my Shaman, a wise woman who has been instrumental in my continued healing process.

As I look back on this year since my move from Boston, it has been a journey that I could not have anticipated, yet all along I had a KNOWING that I am on my path.  I feel settled here despite some of the environmental disasters a few months back and in fact, being here during the crisis and chaos deepened my sense of purpose, again KNOWING that I am here for a reason - or two - my healing and to offer healing to others.

On May 5, 2017, Tammie and I arrived in Ojai later in the evening, only to find no heat or electricity.  I chuckled as I recalled that I paid careful attention to getting Ashley settled in Boulder - apartment, utilities, food, furnishings AND I forgot to have my utilities turned on.  Oh well! Tammie laid in my suitcase, all cuddled up in my clothes and I wrapped up in my coat.  I used a flashlight to do a sponge bath to clean up and waited for Monday to come for lights and heat.

I easily settled into town, making friends, going to new yoga spots, dancing for the first time with a group  - shaking my booty which I could never imagine back home.  There was a freedom, something I knew that I needed to embrace.  And while I have so much gratitude for the lessons learned back east - discipline, good study habits and work ethic - I also knew that it was time to loosen up, to truly find a balance in life.

On July 4th, I danced in my first parade ever and it was so fun!  And as the year continued, I found myself in Santa Barbara doing corporate seminars for a few companies.  It was then that I realized that SB fit my personality, work opportunities and overall style a bit more and thus I began the search late in November only to find an apartment that suited me perfectly almost immediately.

I had not planned on moving until my year was up in Ojai, but decided to make the move.  Fires started Dec 4 and we left Ojai for respite here in what was going to be my apartment.  Tammie and I spent 4 days with a mattress only, listening for alerts on the phone.  The air became really smokey as the fires persisted and we headed about 5 hours north to my cousins for a few extra days.  Finally we were able to head back.  I spent the week packing to prepare for our official move on Dec 15 and after 3 trips back and forth on that day, we settled in a bit after 9pm, tired and ready for a good sleep.

Upon awakening the next morning and looking out the window, there was a blazing fire in the mountains not far away.  Then the alerts began on the phone again - evacuate!  I decided to go to church first and stopped into Unity.  Services had been cancelled, but the pastor, wife and few people were there so we prayed and sang a few songs.  Immediately, I had the chills that I get when I am being given a message - it is my intuitive sense that tells me to pay attention.  I found my spiritual home!  After church, we left for San Luis Obispo, a city I had visited the prior year.   I asked the motel owner if Tammie could stay with me under the circumstances since he remembered me from the prior year.

During our short stay, I enjoyed my first tourist attraction - the Hearst Castle.  What a fun excursion and amazing story about how water was brought up the mountain and how the castle was built.  Upon returning, ash covered most of my belongings.  There had been no time to unpack before leaving town, thus the week was spent unpacking, washing everything that I owned. I remember hitting the wall - finally!

I felt like never before - blank, aimless, not knowing my purpose.  It was a most uncomfortable feeling and yet, I still had the KNOWING that this was part of the journey, the process of transformation or what I often told my clients - living life in the messy!

After a few weeks of this seemingly endless feeling, things began to come together.  I was part of the choir at Unity, I was making lovely friends and acquaintances and I found my new yoga home, barre studio, coffee places and favorite place to walk Tammie along Shoreline Drive.  I've recently found a loving relationship like none in my past and while pangs of old stuff can bubble up clouding my vision with fear, in my heart, I know that this chapter of life is also ready to unfold.

Not a day goes by when I don't feel blessed and grateful.  It is now dusk with sounds of the evening birds and a low sun getting ready to set.  I am at peace - a place that did not exist just a year ago.

Trust and KNOW that all is well!

With love,
Julie

Out of Town and Kinda Off the Grid

In an hour, I embark for a week-long conference about the Mind Body Medicine movement.   I am so excited to be with my colleague and mentor, Kathie Swift - a nutritionist who has truly made an impact in the integrative medicine arena. She will be accompanied by Dr. James Gordon, Harvard trained psychiatrist who embraces spirituality in mental health and Dr. Mark Hyman, world-reknowned physician and leader in functional medicine.

As I have been preparing for this time away, I felt a bit nervous about lack of internet connection.  I, like many, are so conditioned to be "plugged in", and yet, for true personal freedom, we need time away from the daily routines, the usual stimulation that narrows one's focus and to be away from the sensationalized news reports that generally focus on what's going wrong rather than right!

During my morning reflection, I read a passage that nicely written passage from Mastin Kipp:
"I believe everyone has a God-size hole inside of them that we try to fill with shopping or with a relationship or with food or sex or drugs.  But, it's not out there.  It's in here.  It's an internal connection.  And that's what a spiritual practice, listening to your intuition,having a creative expression, being of service is all about. . . ."

I will be focused on being immersed in this amazing experience while being attentive to the quieting of the daily mind, being receptive to what I am to take in for personal growth and for the community that I serve.

Forever grateful,
Julie

Paradise Is A Perspective

As I am writing this blog, I am sitting on my porch overlooking the mountains, trees and listening to the lively chatter of the birds.  I feel so very blessed to be living in my unassuming, but functional and cute home.  Tammie is settled, loving to lay on the porch in the sun and having her walks along Shoreline Dr., a 5 minute car ride over the mountain and to the sea.

The simplicity of life feels wonderful, despite also getting my work or shall we say, "life-work" established here in Santa Barbara.  I am grateful to maintain a strong presence in Boston by using telehealth that is acceptable in healthcare, as I meet new people here.  As I attend functions and network, I sense that I am in a hub of progressive thinkers, movers and shakers, who want to care for humanity and the environment.  This broad perspective aligns with who I am and what I am about.

I visited an intentional community this past week and saw homes made of cob, utilities that were off the grid, using solar power.  The technology, while ancient in many ways, showed a wisdom that when combined with current knowledge, can transform the way we live now and in our future.   There was a reverence for the land, a desire to eat clean and nutrient-dense food and to be at peace and harmony with nature and each other.

Two days later, I was invited to the CEC meeting - Community Environmental Council.  This organization includes reducing carbon emissions, feeding the poor, sustainable living etc.  The lecture was on transportation and our future.  Mind-blowing, informative and so timely!

How does this all relate to what I do?  I am in the business of empowering people, to support them in challenge and to support their process of evolving "wholeness".   One cannot separate the body (taking care of the container that holds our light) from the mind and spirit.  As we advance in science, technology and "energy" (that which cannot be seen but is felt), I see my role as a bridge and conduit.  This has been a lifelong function in my life - brought about from old childhood wounds - and I am grateful to hold polar opposites, assisting them to see the other's perspective.  This is where paradise can unfold!

With love and support,
Julie

Transformed by Loss: An Easter Message

As I approached this morning with anticipation - my first Easter service at Unity with my new choral group - I was eager to hear the message from our pastor, Rev. Larry.  His rich sermons bring together new age philosophy with old world wisdom and readings from various spiritual leaders.  Today the focus was on the resurrection of Jesus and how we might think of it not only in literal terms, but in a transcendent way.

Life is full of adversity, of challenge, of suffering and one may ask, if God exists, why this or why me?  Jesus' example of staying aligned with his truth - being in a place of love and peace within - allowed him to carry on with the horrendous circumstances that led to his death.  On Good Friday, I felt my usual sadness as I remembered his crucifixion, but I was also struck with asking Him if he was afraid.  I also recalled the Garden of Gethsemane when he wept.  I felt bodily sensations of his fear and pain more so than usual.  And on Saturday, I continued to feel sadness, but also anticipated the joy of upcoming Easter.

These feelings brought me back through my own history of challenge, loss and pain, but this time, I also had a deep knowing that I am on my path, for it is how one responds to adversity without being internally shaken that matters most.  The "I" is not the body, but is the soul - the unwavering essence.

In science, we state that energy can neither be created or destroyed and in spiritual terms, this means the soul.  Our bodies will change, age and eventually die, but "WE" never die.  In fact, I believe that my wholeness has not been diminished by life circumstances, but instead has been strengthened.  I am living in peace like never before.  I am finally getting it after all these years of lessons.

Just as the stone was rolled away from the tomb of Jesus, so can each of us rise from the death of each challenge as we see from the heart and not the eyes.

May you find peace and joy during this season of rebirth,
Julie

Holy Week, Passover, Spring and Our Path

As we enter Spring and the holy traditions that surround us - I am most familiar with Lent, Easter and Passover - let us orient ourselves to this wonderful season of rebirth.

While at yoga last Saturday, our instructor, the owner of YogaSoup - my new yoga home - discussed the various traditions and addressed how yoga is about death and rebirth.  In fact, we have that opportunity each and every day.  He talked about the teachings of the Buddha and Jesus, not in religious terms, but more about their archetype and how we connect to this universal energy of love.

The next day was Palm Sunday, a favorite of mine.  I have led music groups over the years during this passionate service and personally reflect upon the upcoming week of Jesus' life - how he was to make this journey into an area of the world where his concepts were not universally accepted and where he threatened the domineering leadership of the time.  His journey was not for himself but for the world at that time.

The story of the Passion is a beautiful depiction of how to connect with our higher selves - that self that is not caught up in competition and dominance, but more in cooperation, compassion and respect for all of humanity.

In Indian and indigenous culture, that message is extended to our earth - the plants, trees, animals - and the magic that they bring into our lives.  I have more to learn about this culture and am proud to say that I have American Indian on both sides of my family.  My Mom was so proud of our heritage and I recall as a child visiting with my relatives.  I remember Uncle Art and Uncle Walter - beautiful sea blue eyes, copper-toned skin and high cheek bones.  We enjoyed these festive family gatherings.

As we enter these next few days, my wish for all is to take a few moments of reflection - to be grateful for these ancient traditions rich in story that support our own transformation; to be in awe of the budding plants and flowers that will "feed" our bodies over these months and will be a feast for our eyes with beautiful color; and to develop love and compassion for ourselves and those we see and do not see.

With love,  Julie

Remodeling: What Does That Mean To You

While at barre class on Friday -  a challenging strength and conditioning workout -  I began to think about the word "remodel" and what it meant for me - way back when and now. Remodeling can also be about a body, bones, a home.

Remodeling for me is less about body image in the sense of how I look in the world, but more about how capable and strong I  feel within.  Important distinction for someone who grew up very heavy as a kid and who dieted a lot in the younger days!

I also thought of bones and how they are constantly remodeling - the process of being torn down during exercise in order to rebuild.  How amazing our bodies are, taking in fresh nutrients through this process in order to be a framework for our muscles and organs.

Lastly, I thought about homes.  For me in recent times, I have been lightening my load - what are the  essentials  that I need and what can I let go of?  And how does this process impact the environment with the materials that I choose to have in my home?

My new and evolved definition of remodeling is less about outer appearances and more about the depth  of the process within and extended into my environment.

How are you remodeling your life?  Be creative, bold and colorful!

In strength,
Julie

We Are Here To Serve

As I pondered the theme from this week, I was struck by the similarities in "jargon", so to speak.  Yesterday, I attended a meeting to become a member of the Unity Spiritual  Living community and in this morning's reading from Awakened Leadership by Alan Shelton, executive coach, mentor and writer, he also spoke of service being the highest priority.

It is easy to go down the rabbit hole of uncertainty, self-doubt, not having or being enough - especially in light of current challenges across the board - in politics, healthcare, the environment.  What's the message here?

What does it mean to serve in today's world?  My definition has been evolving over these years because it meant something very different for most of my life.  Serving meant giving of yourself until you are sucked dry.  It correlated with a lack of self-worth and self-esteem and believe me, it is one of the hardest "programs of the mind" to break.  One of my longest and dearest friends often states, "You give of your surplus, not of your core!"

What I am seeing now is a paradigm shift in "awakening and awakened" leaders and new thought philosophers along with the ancients - Jesus and Buddha.  It is in giving that we receive, even multi-fold!  And it is not in a selfish manner - "I'll do for you if you do for me", but rather, what gifts do I have to share with others that they in turn need.

We are all born with talents, strengths, individual capacities and by nurturing these unique qualities, not only does the individual thrive, but the universe as a whole.

As I reflect upon my own journey, an ever-evolving process, I have served food to others for years - gathering people together socially, bringing the youth together to feed the poor, teaching others how to prepare healthier alternatives for their families and in recent years,  I have opened myself up in a broader sense through my own health crises and those of my family, feeding others spirit, strength and inspiration.

I recall during my years as a cantor in my church that I loved singing, So You Must Do, a beautiful Holy Thursday song about Jesus washing the feet of his friends.  It is less about the religious context and more about the common theme that can provide us with the nuggets of learning to live and love in this life.

I'm in a new environment all the way across the country still listening to the needs of others and am fine-tuning how I will serve now and in the future.

How will you serve?
Love
Julie

Coming Out of The Dark Night of My Soul: Cleansed, Refreshed and Redefining

I’ve been on a hiatus for a little over a month now from all social media communication.  I finally hit a necessary rock bottom, as one might say, or my version of it!

Those of you who have followed my blog since its creation at the Newton Wellesley Hospital in 2014, know that the journey for these past few years and actually for a lifetime (upcoming in my book, the personal story), has been anything but easy.  And you also know, that I view these challenges as opportunities and gifts to share with others – family, friends, clients and colleagues.

It is not that my life has been any worse or better than another – it is about finding the meaning in a situation and how one responds.  I learned at a very early age that in order to navigate my family life and life in general, I needed to take care of others, no matter what; I needed to solve problems using my intellect; I needed to avoid feelings AND I needed to KNOW what to do and how to respond in crisis.

It became me – my persona. Or is that me?  Hmm.

This Dark Night for me was about not knowing, especially what I want and deserve.  Those have been suppressed as they have for many of my generation.  How dare I want, deserve, need!!!  During this time, I often walked (thank God the weather following the fires and flood has been beautiful) or sat with Tammie in my beautiful little studio, crying, feeling aimless, not producing (as I would define it).

And then this morning, I awoke to the question, how does one define success?  In our culture, we often look at credentials earned, money made and savings in the bank or the fancy car, house or two, kids who graduated from a prestigious college.  Well, I can attest to the first, but the others have been out of my reach.  Why?

It is an interesting combination of answers that I am looking at.  When I look at cultural ideals, I can feel uncomfortable and squirm a bit, but as I fledge my wings, beginning to really tap into who I am, I know that the discomfort comes from my innate sense of being undeserving, topped with societal measures.

As I begin to know me, I want the quieting of my mind that allows peace to flow in, to embrace the unknown with comfort and ease and to truly know that All Is Well!

Peace be with you today and always,

Julie

In The Middle Of The Night - Not The Song!

It's been a week of emotional tumult.  There has been continued disruption of the normal routines for many due to the floods and mudslides and I was wanting to assist in some capacity.  Upon attending a meeting with a few hundred attendees to listen to the state and governmental agency updates, it was clear that this disaster was the worst in 200 years in this area.  Representatives from FEMA, Red Cross, fire, police, mental health, county officials, transportation, all provided updates on what they had done and were planning to do.  I left feeling a sense of community, but also very heavy-hearted for what some were enduring.

This feeling did not leave me all evening and I began to feel an odd sense of having been spared throughout the fires and this last disaster.  I was incovenienced, yet unharmed and I felt a little weird about it all.  Then at 12:35 am, I bolted out of my bed, saying to myself, I get it now - and I began to sob deeply.

I realized at that very moment that I had survivor guilt and had been unable to pinpoint that one until that very moment.  I recalled sitting in my bosses office years back after my cancer diagnosis telling him that I had a mild cancer.  His response was, "Julie, cancer is serious!"  A year later, sitting with my Mom a few weeks before her passing, she asked me how I was doing and I responded that I was doing all I could to get healthy.  She said to me, "Julie, cancer is serious!"  Of course, I did go on to become quite ill and ironically, it was the reaction to chemo that really did a number on me.

What was most striking to me upon awakening was my Dad's survivor guilt.  He refused any veterans support because he was not shot, killed or maimed while serving duty.  He has made it difficult for us to help him as family, often resulting in our frustration and feelings of helplessness.

The light has been shone on this aspect of family lineage and it is time, to reclaim my self-worth and deserving.  Oh, the power in self-discovery.  What I now realize even more than ever is that for me to truly be of service in this world, I must be taken care - and that is an inside job!

Blessings,
Julie

In Honor Of MLK: A Visionary and Presence Still Needed In Our Lives

As I listened to the reflection during service yesterday at Unity, my new-found spiritual center (in addition to yoga!), Rev. Larry provided a synopsis of discussions with Martin Luther King when faced with adversity - and we know that he faced many challenges with courage and love.

When asked why he did not focus on his traumas and struggles, he stated that he did not wish to be seen as a victim or to be pitied.  In fact, he believed that these trials in life strengthened his creative force.  It was like another resounding bell in my head, reminding me that I am exactly where I am supposed to be and in this very time!

Over this past month, I've received countless calls, texts and emails from concerned family, friends and colleagues, asking if I am safe from harm.  It has been a whirlwind with two evacuations, then the floods and mudslides, yet, I have been safe from harms' way.  Inconvenienced - yes.  Strengthened - yes.  In what ways?

Moving has become a natural state for me and during each move, I've let go of more "stuff".  My living quarters now are approaching the tiny house model that I am looking forward to achieving.  With letting go, there is the physical removal, getting stuff to places of service to others or finding the right recycling place.  Emotionally, moving means being able to adapt to new surroundings - people, places and getting the new routines down.  I'm quite comfortable with this process and have found it exciting rather than too overwhelming. OK, there are times of exhaustion!

I "know" that I am here in this place and at this time to serve others, yet do not know exactly what that will look like.  I've reached out to the city governmental agencies to help in any way that I can; I've contacted my local food bank and have typed letters to my neighbors about picking fruit from our trees and getting it out there to those in need and I've tapped into my new group at Unity, to be a support with music and spiritual offerings.  How that will manifest is in God's hands - and that is deep within my being while connected to the universe at large.

Receptivity has been wonderful.  I am in a community where care and concern are paramount and while only a mile away, houses, people and possessions have been wiped away, there is also an overarching sense of this cycle of life - joy and pain, trauma and resilience - that connects us all.

May you be blessed with facing adversity with grace as Dr King did,
Julie

Over the Rainbow and After the Storm

It was the day following the massive downpour in Santa Barbara that resulted in severe devastation to pockets of areas.  The blue sky and a spectacular rainbow shone for miles, but my camera only caught a birds' eye view.

How does one reconcile tragedy and beauty at the same time.  All around me is the buzz of people knowing someone displaced or another feeling the gratitude of having a home to go to.  I'll be here in my new home just three weeks tomorrow and during this time, I've witnessed the fires that seemed to go on forever and now, this week, a terrible storm that has wiped away homes, businesses and the lives of some people and their pets.

It was an eerie feeling listening to helicopters all evening and having the buzzing alert messages once again, telling people to evacuate areas close by.  I stayed in for much of the day until the sun shone and I walked Tammie along Shoreline Drive, taking this amazing photo.  Not once did I feel afraid even though this is new territory for me.  I stopped to take it all in - the dark and the light of the experience.  And I feel grateful for being alive, for being in this place and for the opportunity to connect with others offering support in what ever way I can.

The power of the rainbow reminds us that there is life after the storm.

With gratitude,
Julie

Redefining Wealth!

Happy New Year and welcome to a new beginning for us all.  2017 surely had many challenging times, we have survived and hopefully, have gleaned the gifts in the various meanings of life.

Today, as I look out my window which displays majestic mountains, palm trees and sunshine, I feel quite rich!  There has been a disconnect for me since childhood about deserving material things in life (old ingrained stuff!), yet as I continue to navigate life, I feel quite rich in experience, my new living situation (closer to the tiny, sustainable home that I am working towards) and my friendships - both old and new.

I awoke to messages from family and clients whom I have worked with - or shall we say partnered with - for over thirty years.  What a gift to have these long-standing relationships that are more than just a "client".  I know these people and they know me - a transparency that bonds humanity together!

My goals for this year are many, but one that holds a priority is living with less stuff and in less space.  And I have been consistently unloading "stuff" - the physical things we cling to, as well as the emotional road-blocks that impede seeing life as truly being wealthy!  My space is now 525 square feet and to define the tiny home concept, I have about 25 more to shave off.

Watch out for 2019 - I plan to have this concept really take off for many - leveling the playing field of wealth and spreading it among those who need and deserve more.  We all deserve, but we must see and believe that it is here for the asking and taking.

In wealth,
Julie

PS - take a peek at http://www.swingingsteaks.com/.  Jamie, a dear friend has written music about life, stuff and what really matters!  Check out We're All In This Together from Shiner and the album, Steele Blue Moon.  Lots to chew on!

Reflections Are Like Diamonds In The Rough

As I reflect on 2017, there are many words to describe the feelings that I have - aware, grateful, transitional, connection, compassionate, joy-filled, content.  The list could go on, but I will take each descriptor and outline the months beginning with January of 2017.

In January of 2017, I was acutely aware of needing to make important decisions for my family's health and well-being, and that meant seriously looking into selling my home once again.  I was also very aware of the deep friendship and support from my dear friend Jamie, who started a Go Fund Me to assist with our family hardship.

February, March and April brought forth such gratitude to family, friends, colleagues and others committed to the process of having excellent health-care available that supported growth rather than being stifled by only a conventional process.

May and June were definitely transitional months.  I moved Ashley to Boulder and continued onto CA with Tammie.  It's interesting how this all came about at once.  I had been contemplating a move to support my own health, as well as to be in an environment that was more supportive of integrative medicine.  My dear colleague and mentor, Heather, assisted me with my astrological chart to hone in on areas that may support my healing and growth.  This all came at the same time - sale of my home, moving Ashley and myself.  While a busy time, it was the most cost-effective manner to accomplish this all.

July and August were about exploration and connection.  I have made wonderful friends, explored dance, met amazing artists and have truly felt a sense of peace living in beautiful Ojai.  This place is known for its healing energy and upon visiting Meditation Mount, I immediately felt the connection to Graymoor - a mountain in the Peekskills of NY and place that we frequented as a family.  These holy mounts erected Peace Poles in the same year - clear across the country.

In September and October, I chose to begin the process of digging deep into self-compassion - an area of my overall well-being that I had neglected over the years.  My focus had been on surviving, achieving and caring for my wonderful girls, but there was a nagging inside that informed me that in order to truly heal, I needed to begin this process.

In November, I met with a shaman/medicine woman - a wise woman who immediately connected me to my core - joy, pain and all!  Interestingly, my Mom had always been very proud of our Indian heritage and here I was, investigating this spiritual realm.

December came and I realized that my professional gifts were bringing me to Santa Barbara quite often, another beautiful, mid-coast city with similarities to Ojai, but with an expanded view of integrative medicine.  I thought that I would wait until May when my lease was up, but I was getting clear messages that I should look sooner. 

Not only did an ideal apartment show up, but professional interests have been percolating.  As has been my experience in the past, the landing was pretty rough.  There were massive wildfires in both cities, resulting in two evacuations.  This is where the diamonds are now seen - in the rough!  Not only have I witnessed care and concern, but I feel very content with how this year has come to a close.

I have washed off all the ashes, have placed most of my items away and am planning a holiday party tomorrow - gathering friends from my new home, 5000 miles away from home!

It is about being grateful and content with what we have and feeling the connectedness to all of humanity.

I wish you a very happy, healthy and peace-filled New Year!
Love
Julie

"His Clothes Were All Tarnished With Ashes and Soot"

A long-standing tradition in our family has been to read Twas the Night Before Christmas and given that our family spreads from sea to sea this year, Ashley suggested we skype and face time to read the book. 

Traditions are a way to solidify bonds and to create a sense of belonging and familiarity.  This year was especially important for our family, as we have faced so many changes - all growth filled, yet not all were easy, nor the fruits to be seen in the moment.  We are all well and moving closer to where we want to be in life and what will bring about the greatest expression for our unique gifts  in this world.

For me, the past two weeks have been anything but peaceful, yet I felt an inner knowing that all was going to be okay.  Being new to CA, I experienced my first wild fires, two evacuations and a move that aligns with my personal mission and vision in life.  Santa Barbara has the largest per capita non-profit organizations and has ongoing research and movements about environmental concerns - sustainability, energy use, honoring the use of our land.

Holiday plans were changed for us all, yet we are so connected.  In fact, Lindsay and Scott move on January 1 to San Diego - now a 6 hour drive instead of a 6 hour flight!  And Ashley is comfortably settled in Boulder, just graduated and now working full-time at Pearle Vision.

Tammie has been a real trooper through fires, moves, motels and long car rides and she continues to remind me about the "bright side" of life.  Her unending devotion, love and puppy-like mannerisms can really bring me back to earth when I begin "spinning out" with the next steps.  I am reminded that we only have what is right in front of us - a beautiful life with opportunities to share love with others.

Let me close with the end of the story - "But I heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight - Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!"

Whether you celebrate Christmas or another tradition, I send you love and blessings on this day and always.

(Remember just a week ago, the skies were colored with orange smoke, but the resilience of nature brings us back to balance - time to do our part as well!)

Just What God Ordered

It's now two days after leaving the fires in Santa Barbara.  Tammie and I have been in clean air, blue skies and I say to myself, "What more could I want?"  I keep thinking of how fresh air feels like a birth-right and how in other areas of the world, it does not exist. 

Going down the rabbit-hole of thought, I begin to realize how we have opportunities right in front of our eyes, stating the obvious.  It is time to take care of the environment and while there are hundreds of thousands of acres lost to fire, this new ash will become a new beginning "IF" we choose to see it that way once the dust settles - no pun intended.

Out of my usual character, I decided to do a vacation-like activity yesterday and visited the Hearst Castle.  What a beautiful area, site and national park.  I was proud of myself for taking time to indulge in this activity - something that becomes difficult for me to keep in balance of my total health.

We all share in the commonality of having "blind spots" and one of mine happens to be not giving to me.  Sounds simple, but the legacy of self-sacrifice is so entrenched that while I've heard the words and have "gotten it" cognitively, but somehow, there has been a loss in the translation to feeling it and being worthy.

A little over a month ago, I restarted my shamanic journey and the main gift that has transpired is self-compassion.  Much like my folks and their respective families, stoicism has been a saving grace and while I agree, this attitude and behavior has surely done me well, I also now see and feel how it has also eroded at my total health.

A small move to go to a museum - things I enjoyed in the past when I had more time and money - but I was grinning ear to ear, both inside and out, as I pulled away from the castle.  This entry is two-pronged today:

Let us begin to band together as a human race, treating the earth and people with love, respect and care for the long-term AND treat yourself with love, respect and care.  It's all a balancing act!

With Love
Julie

A Breath of Fresh Air

As I've navigated two evacuations in the past two weeks, I continue to feel blessed, calm and keep tapping into what is truly important in life!  It's been me and Tammie (aka TT - my Dad named her Tammie Terror many years ago as a frisky pup) with a few belongings, jugs of water and a tank of gas.

As I drove away today, there were a few college students along the road handing out free water bottles.  At the grocery, assistants were smiling and asking if we needed help, and while waiting turns at four-way intersections, everyone took their turn graciously!  No honking of horns, no angry drivers, just folks gettin outta town like me!

What I've witnessed in this devastation is a bonding of humanity and kindness that truly warms the heart.  Being new to CA, I've downloaded the apps for alerts and have called the 211 update line and people on the other end have been so kind to assist me with further information since I do not know the districts and counties.

Today, I chose to leave before the increased mandatory evacuations because I started to have labored breathing.  Not a whimp, but being careful given my ongoing immune challenges.

Yesterday was my official move to Santa Barbara from Ojai and after three trips back and forth, I unloaded what I could by about 9pm.  During the days prior, I left boxes and furniture in the driveway.  Since my belongings are covered in ash, I've left them on the porch to clean each item before bringing it inside.

My new landlord was "angel number one"!  He allowed me to stay in the unfinished apartment while evacuated from Ojai, then he moved up my date for moving so that I could free up my apartment for another who lost their home.

"Angel number two" - the fellow who assisted my landlord with painting and prepping the unit, came today to help me haul up a few pieces of furniture to my porch.

And there are others in the mix as well.  My cousins up north who had Tammie and I stay last week; my friend who helped me pack and calls
daily to see how we are doing.

It's when stripped of all the veneer that one can truly see the gifts in life and to be happy in the moment!

Could not be stated better!

TUT

The path to enlightenment is not a path at all, Julie, it's actually a metaphor for the time it takes for you to allow yourself to be happy with who you already are, where you already are, and what you already have... no matter what.

Just do it, 

  The Universe

The first photo is as I am leaving home - awoke to seeing live fires on the mountains in the distance

 The second photo is a little north on route 101 heading north

Twas Some Weeks Before Christmas

As I ponder this past week, it has been an experience of polar opposites - devastation  and destruction of homes, land, livestock paralleled by an outpouring of love, concern and connection.

I left my home exactly one week ago and hunkered down with Tammie in an unfinished apartment on a futon laid on plastic bags to protect it from the soot.  And yet, I felt grateful - grateful for having a safe place to stay without needing to be in an evacuation center.

As the days progressed, the fire and smoke moved north where we were and soon, the ashes were falling like snowflakes.  After four alarms in the middle of the night, I decided to head really north, staying with my cousins about 5-6 hours away.

Before leaving town, however, I attended a prayer service that felt so heartwarming and focused on the gifts of life and lessons learned in hardship.  After leaving, I went back to the shopping area where I left my vest the day before and the area was deserted.   While Christmas lights flickered in the store windows and music was piped in throughout the outdoor mall, no-one was in sight.  The only activity was the increasing shower of ashes coming down through the sky.  It felt like a sci-fi movie and we were the lone survivors of the end of civilization.

While an eerie feeling, I was not afraid.  Instead, I began the inquiry again.  Why am I here, in this place, now?   What is the lesson to be learned from it all?  I began to think of one of my favorite Christmas movies - Dr Seuss',  "How the Grinch Stole Christmas".  Why this story one might ask?

Empty stores, no-one shopping and in fact, no-one even around!  And yet, out there in the surrounding areas were firefighters, military, Red Cross volunteers, people checking in on others to make sure they are safe and settled.  It's not about the boxes and bows, nor the presents under the tree, but more about the true meaning of Christmas and of life itself.  We are here to love.  We are here to serve.  We are here to be in connection with one another.

I'm back home in Ojai - a city that is smoke-filled at this time.  I have friends who are safe and others who lost their homes.  I'm pilfering through a few extra blankets and towels to give to the next family who comes to live in my home at the end of the week.  I feel blessed in that I had begun the process of planning to move to Santa Barbara, 45 minutes away, due to work.  This move was to be at the end of December and I have been able to coordinate to move two weeks earlier in order to house a family who lost everything.  For me this is God's grace at work.

Look for the miracles - they appear every day if you look!

Love
Julie

A Snowfall of Ash

It's been a month since updating on most social media sites - life has taken twists and turns that continue to always bring me back to a place of gratitude no matter what.  That has taken years of practice, patience, frustration and acceptance.

Today as I write this entry, I am sitting on my futon on the floor of an unfinished apartment with dust, and dirt and fresh smelling varnish.  Yet, I feel so very grateful to be here, alive, warm and sitting next to Tammie, who is now 14 years old!

Last week, Tammie was very ill with an acute bronchitis that caused a collapsed trachea.  We were back and forth to the animal hospital for a few days, xrays, medications and finally, the vet suggested acupuncture to support her trachea.  Tammie has responded well and I feel so lucky to have this "old girl" in my life!

Just three days ago, I was evacuated from my apartment in Ojai due to devastating fires that have claimed thousands of acres of land, houses, farms, businesses and very sadly, animals.  While unafraid, this is unlike anything I have witnessed in my life and now three days later, forty-five miles north of Ojai, we are being asked to stay in much of the time while ash falls from the sky and the air quality is very bad.  As I prayed and asked God what am I meant to be doing and being during this time, I received a clear message to serve.

Immediately, I called the local colleges and Red Cross to see how I may assist and surprisingly they were set.  I next reached out to friends and on the net about moving up ability to have my apartment ready sooner for someone who has lost their home.

Backing up just a bit, I made a decision earlier in November to consider relocating to Santa Barbara for business opportunities that are opening up and in the process, my soon to be landlord not only allowed me to bed down here, but is willing to move up my move-in date so that I can accommodate a person whose home burned to the ground. 

As I have stated so many times in the past, there are no coincidences in life.  My initiation of the move created an opportunity for me to be safely housed instead of being in a shelter and afforded me the ability to help another person in the process.

Divine intervention prevails yet again!
Love
Julie

Knock On The Doors Of Life

"Sometimes when a door is slammed shut, Julie, the very best thing you can do is to knock on it again, and again, and again.

 

But I'd recommend you try all the other doors, too.

 

Yours,

  The Universe"

This began a train of thought that exposed an area of my personality or shall we say, shed light on it to be healed!  As I continue along the path of self-discovery, self-healing and listening to the dialogue between my mind and body, I am so very aware of how the mind/ego wants to take over and direct the rest of the orchestra.

The focus of my healing is presently on self-compassion and letting go of attachments that no longer serve.  Yeah, I've been there and done that before, but this time round, the peeling of the onion is allowing the deeper awareness of the hurts, pains and influences that keep me and I assume, many of you, in the repetitive "mouse wheel" of life.

My "stubbornness" has gotten me through many trying times, for I don't give up, yet I also have not listened to the inner voice of wisdom that gently knocks and says, "try that other door!"  I see clearly now that the stubborn armor was a way of protecting myself, wanting to believe that perserverence eventually meant love and acceptance from the other.  Well, I've tested that one out and it surely does not always work!

Where did that come from, you might ask?  Certainly parental influences - after all, Mom was a Leo and Dad, a Taurus.  Both personalities are strong, protective and stubborn - although there is more to the birth chart than the sun sign.  Other possibilities - being an only child in a family with lots of anger, yelling  and expectation; seeing the world as a dangerous place where self-defense (in my case, being good and quiet because I was not very athletic) became a way of maneuvering life.

Is this bad - absolutely not!!!  These experiences must be met with curiosity and an ability to recognize that one's style is a compilation of all experience.  Can you knock on other doors to see what gifts lie behind them?

Opening the many doors to life!

Julie