I’ve been on a hiatus for a little over a month now from all
social media communication. I finally
hit a necessary rock bottom, as one might say, or my version of it!
Those of you who have followed my blog since its creation at
the Newton Wellesley Hospital in 2014, know that the journey for these past few
years and actually for a lifetime (upcoming in my book, the personal story),
has been anything but easy. And you also
know, that I view these challenges as opportunities and gifts to share with
others – family, friends, clients and colleagues.
It is not that my life has been any worse or better than
another – it is about finding the meaning in a situation and how one responds. I learned at a very early age that in order
to navigate my family life and life in general, I needed to take care of
others, no matter what; I needed to solve problems using my intellect; I needed
to avoid feelings AND I needed to KNOW what to do and how to respond in crisis.
It became me – my persona. Or is that me? Hmm.
This Dark Night for me was about not knowing, especially
what I want and deserve. Those have been
suppressed as they have for many of my generation. How dare I want, deserve, need!!! During this time, I often walked (thank God
the weather following the fires and flood has been beautiful) or sat with
Tammie in my beautiful little studio, crying, feeling aimless, not producing
(as I would define it).
And then this morning, I awoke to the question, how does one
define success? In our culture, we often
look at credentials earned, money made and savings in the bank or the fancy
car, house or two, kids who graduated from a prestigious college. Well, I can attest to the first, but the
others have been out of my reach. Why?
It is an interesting combination of answers that I am looking
at. When I look at cultural ideals, I
can feel uncomfortable and squirm a bit, but as I fledge my wings, beginning to
really tap into who I am, I know that the discomfort comes from my innate sense
of being undeserving, topped with societal measures.
As I begin to know me, I want the quieting of my mind that
allows peace to flow in, to embrace the unknown with comfort and ease and to
truly know that All Is Well!
Peace be with you today and always,
Julie
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