Facebook, Face Value and Reflections

It's been about a week since a photo taken of myself and my daughter had many likes, comments - all positive stuff. It was two weeks out of the hospital and I was on a short, but sweet outing - Fashion Week opening in Boston. Oh how I used to love the fashion scene, still do, but have not been to a fashion show in years. What's been interesting is that since I've left the hospital, I've had mixed results in my progress. Thankfully, my blood values are improving - a sign that the chemo and support has worked. Halleluia! On the other hand, my quality of life and side effects from the reaction to the chemo have lingered, really disrupting how I feel on a day to day basis. The swelling is gone, my blood pressure is now more normal than in years, but this itch and dry, rashy skin is 24/7! It is so uncomfortable that I lay awake at night, scratching. Now, of course, the "old me" tapes come barraging my brain - be thankful, don't complain, just grin and bear it - you know, the old stoic me comes rushing in to take over. But no, in this very moment, I am tired, worn down, feel pretty "shitty" - and it is OK. Even my daughter tells me, "Mom, you are still in recovery and have a whole year yet to go." I guess that part of me that wants it done and over with takes over at times. What I felt about the Facebook messages was part of the reason that I've never signed up before. It tells only the good. It is an imbalanced perspective of the reality of one's life and it magnifies the discrepancy of how one might be feeling, potentially increasing the negative feelings even more! My girls and I have have talked often about social media and the potential damaging effects on one's emotional health. Since I work in the area of mental health often - eating disorders, bipolar, depression and anxiety - I am very sensitive to understanding these underpinnings. And here I am, experiencing a bit of that chasm in reality myself! On the other hand, I had a conversation with two other friends - one from high school and the other, a new friend from late Spring. Both of these folks had struggled with deep depression and it was through Facebook that friends and family reached out to provide support and connection. It gave me another perspective to think about. What I've pondered since that time is that social media is only one facet of reality and it is important to always be conscious of that. "Image" is not who we are, yet it contributes to how we are seen. It also does help connectivity on one level and this is part of our culture - like it or not. It does play a positive role, as is seen in my dialogue with others. The take-aways for me and for you are to look inside first, do that check-in by closing your eyes, breathing in deeply, feeling connected and grounded to the earth and feel your aliveness, feel your feelings without judgement and then you will be able to graciously accept the feedback of others in your life. In peace and gratitude, Julie