As I write this entry and article, I am choosing to look at
not only the endemic aspects that pervade our society, but the intimate
challenges of facing mental health challenges within my own family.
Upon doing my own “work” over the years, I have learned that
I was born a very sensitive being, one who absorbed much of the negative energy
that surrounded me within my family system.
At a young age, I learned to read others’ feelings and actions quite
well and would do anything to gain safety and approval.
While there is the “blessing” in this, as coined in the
Ennaegram (an ancient way of looking at personality), there is also the “liability”,
in that I was emotionally unprotected, learning how to survive at a very early
age. This story will ring true for many.
As a result, I attracted needy people into my life, knowing
how to care for them, helping them to feel loved, supported and able to
function. There was an aunt with bipolar
who often stayed with us and I loved her, connected with her and became one of
her caretakers later in life. I went on
to marry two brilliant and charismatic men with similar tendencies, my second
husband tragically dying from a brain injury.
As I’ve continued my self-discovery, I see the lineage in my father and
some of his family.
Interestingly, I am now faced with my younger daughter
experiencing a major life crisis at age 21 – not an uncommon time for
self-reflection, fear of the future, wondering “who I am” and “what am I meant
to do” – the big existential questions. I
have taken on this challenge that she faces coming from a very different place
this time. There is no fear, no anger,
no resentment, but instead, a deep compassion and desire to really assist her
in working the mind-body-spirit components.
Given who I am personally and professionally (I often state
that they are rolled into one with no separation between my personal and
professional self), I have sought out professionals who view life with a wider
lens, taking the best of each discipline and allowing the suggestions to sift,
with those revealing themselves that “feel” right.
Our path has been to use traditional therapy, extensive labs
(I am awaiting the full genome results), shamanic clearing, mind-body therapies
such as yoga and meditation, medications, supplements and psychoanalysis. None of these broader approaches and
long-term programs are insurance covered.
Looking at some of the labs, there is a significant vitamin D
deficiency, a snp (single nucleotide polymorphism or gene abnormality) in MTHFR
– these can lead to significant depression in some.
Backing up a bit, my daughter was born into chaos – a Dad
who was ill and died when she was four years old, multiple moves due to
financial distress, my illness and disability with a move to a new community followed
by my hospitalization for many months. We
needed to move from our last community where we had a very strong connection to
our faith community for financial reasons.
We have had occasional visits back to sing and be part of this
congregation, a place that I often referred to as my second home!
My daughter has also experienced minor neurological
challenges over the years that improved dramatically with high dose fish oils,
probiotics and a special diet used upon food sensitivity testing.
Bringing together the elements to create the perfect storm,
our family is yet again faced with an “opportunity”, one that I know will be a
healing one, wrought with pain on all levels, yet one that can bring about
healing for others when the time is revealed.
I continue each day to feel blessed for the many gifts –
supportive friends and family, life lessons that I choose to see as
opportunities, my convoluted education (traditional dietetics, functional
medicine, counseling and psychology, yoga, reiki), my unending desire to learn
more about myself and others – and the list could go on. I thank my spiritual mentors from a variety
of traditions and for me, Jesus, is an example of how I want to live life. I grew up learning about him and while I draw
upon other spiritual traditions, I know his examples best. I also find yoga to be an essential,
grounding force in my life.
May you explore with an open heart and curiosity, the many
lessons that life brings.
With love and blessings,
Julie
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