As I left my visit with one of my most esteemed docs, the words "chronic illness and disease" reverberated in my ears - not with fear, but a slight obstinance, then a knowing and release. I did not want to hear those words and yet it has truth from a medical perspective, but oh, not so from an emotional/spiritual one.
Over the many years that I have worked in healthcare, I've been drawn to supporting people with chronic conditions ranging from diabetes to arthritis. But to hear the words illness and disease felt a little confining and defining - only for a few moments thank God!
I came to the realization that I was fighting this possibility of having a chronic illness, expecting the magic wand to cast the completely cured spell over me. Was I delusional or stubborn or just being self-protective? Knowing myself, the stubborn and self-protected modes sound about right. I have always been the strong one to get through most anything and then, sometime much later, I realize what happened.
Over the years, the stubbornness has also been referred to as stoicism and that is not all bad, and the self-protection has allowed me to remain quite functional during periods of extreme chaos.
Back to the terms and meanings. While it may feel very limiting to be labeled with a chronic disease, it need not define one's life and capabilities. As I look back at how resilient my body has been, I began life as an obese, sugar addicted child with multiple allergies, strep throats, skin conditions and oh yes, the stomach stuff! Over the years I cleaned up my act , introducing cleaner food, cleaner household agents and cleaner skincare into my life and all those whose lives I touched.
The catch is that I felt a bit betrayed - how did this happen to the "healthnut"? Well, it can happen to anyone and what is more important is how one responds to the call - victim or survivor. Now that I can see this more clearly, I am more self-accepting of the fact that some areas of my health may never completely normalize and my new norm may not look like the old one. In fact, my older daughter, a wise woman, often reminds me of this and that it is OK, if not good, that I must learn a slower pace, one that is more balanced.
While I will continue to remain vigilant to my health, I will not be defined - no, in fact, I will not only survive, but will thrive in this new definition!
Cheers,
Julie
No comments:
Post a Comment