As I reflected on the past few weeks while on my yoga mat this morning, I first gave thanks to my feet for carrying me along the way in life. Why, one might ask?
I have had bunions on both feet for years, but during these last many months, the left bunion has grown to a size that really impacts wearing shoes and at times, makes walking uncomfortable. Just two weeks ago as I was leaving my oncologist's office, his final words were, "No infections!". Later that day, my bunion was so painful that I noticed as my removed my shoe my foot felt a bit wet. I looked down and voila, an infected corn on the bunion! How ironic. I chose to soak it in vinegar and warm water and bandaged it with tea tree oil.
Keeping an eye on the reddened area overnight, it looked much better the next day, although still oozing. As I joked about having the world's ugliest feet (and my kids agree!), I really took time and care to soak them, wrap them and thank them for being here through all of life's ups and downs. This was a different approach for me, as I have often been very self-critical and demanding on my body to heal, be perfect, get on with it, but I now have a much kinder attitude for the vulnerabilities that each of our bodies contain.
The infection cleared, then came back again a few days later and this time, my girls demanded that I call the doctor, which I did. I met with her and we both agreed that while it is taking a much longer time to heal infections at this time given my weak immune system, we also acknowledged how my body is really fighting to indeed heal! This is good news - the silver lining, the pearl in the clam, the diamond in the rough!
If I stop and renew where I've been physically, emotionally and spiritually, the road has been convoluted yet still reaching for the "heavens". I am "whole, perfect, healed" - mantra from my coach - and this is merely part of the process.
Onto the shell. As the yoga class went on, we began twists and reaching the heart toward the "heavens". The pain in my arms and mid-back, made it so difficult to do, that I began to wince and quietly cry on my mat. I breathed even more deeply, allowing myself to sink more into the poses, recognizing that the protective holding only perpetuates the tightness and pain. This is all about trust, letting go and letting God! My Sunday morning yoga class has replaced church for the present, and yet, I am so aware of God's presence in my practice.
I also recognize how my hardened shell in my thoracic or mid-spine, has walled off my heart, protecting it from hurts and traumas. I've been told by many spirituals guides over these past few years that I have engaged in this self-protection since very early in my life. I find it so interesting how my physical body has molded itself - the structure and function - into armor that no longer serves its purpose. I am ready to breathe, to embrace life with all of its highs and lows, and am breathing through my physical pain to reach the innermost of my soul. I am getting there! And so can you.
With love and appreciation,
Julie
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