The Power Of Mother's Day

The day was a mixed bag - a beautiful Spring day, my two amazing daughters with me, older daughter's boyfriend who calls me Mama Jules - love him like my own!, and my Dad. This was the first Mother's Day without my Mom and I was unsure how I would feel. It was definitely a more emotional day than I anticipated, but I allowed myself to just be who I was in the moment. A newer stance for me - allowing myself to show the real me, stripped more to my core. I had a turn around today with many ahha moments - moments of messages from Mom - important themes that have been blind spots for both of us for years. My Mom was an amazing role model in so many ways, but there were times when she was unable to let go of feelings that kept her feeling hurt and angry. Having observed this in myself, I have worked on transforming some of these ways of being. Anyone who knew my Mom would talk about how thoughtful she always was - cards, phone calls, always remembering and supporting family and friends, especially during difficult times. She made anyone feel important and was such a caring grandmother to my two girls. The down side of my Mom's constant giving was that she often felt hurt that others did not respond to her - a call, a visit, to be thought of. I think this is not uncommon, but it left her feeling alone and unimportant. As a result, she held onto some anger and resentment. Wow, I wanted to change my trajectory here! I felt a strong presence of my Mom today telling me to not fall into this trap, but to reach out to those with whom I was feeling hurt or angry. I chose to make a few calls and the amazing thing is that I very quickly realized how good it felt to talk with my family and friends, also recognizing that their not reaching out had absolutely nothing to do with me - there were circumstances in their lives that were preoccupying them. I also realized that one of my coping mechanisms in life was to reach out to others, focusing on them rather than focusing on the challenges right in front of me. I have done this often over the years in order to protect myself - if I reach out, then I am not alone with my challenges. I felt so free, so uplifted, so energized! This is what life is meant to be - learning to connect with others because I want to with no expectations. While this blog leaves me in a vulnerable, wide open place with you all, this is who I want to be for you - an example of being real! Peace, Julie